How to be a good listener???

Conversation is meant to be an exchange, but most of us focus far more on what we say, rather than what’s being said. Great listeners know how to make others feel appreciated, interesting and special-these are rare and powerful gifts. It’s easy to make communication more meaningful, and you’ll hardly have to say a word.

Focus on Understanding
Your intention might be to listen, but are you really worrying about what you’re going to say next? Most of us practise ‘selective listening’ ,world famous author and life coach Stephen Covey- we only pick up on the cues that give us a conversational entry point. Instead, concentrate on understanding what the other person is trying to convey, rather than how you’re going to answer.

Be comfortable with silence
Most of us Iranians find silence in conversations uncomfortable, and try to cover up an awkward pause with pointless chatter (or we put the Television on, and we all focus on something silly on TV). Let the speaker know they have the time and space to say what’s on their mind. Nod and maintain eye contact to show encouragement rather than interpreting a pause as a cue to take over the conversation.

Use the right cues
Using certain affirmative phrases will let the speaker know you’ve heard them, that you’ve engaged with what they’ve said and encourage them to keep talking. Paraphrasing what they’ve said (‘so, what you’re telling me is…’or,’do you mean that…’) helps the other person to clarify their thoughts and shows them that you have internalised their words.

Don’t compare
Finding common ground is important when we’re trying to connect with someone, but resist the urge to counter everything you’re told with an anecdote from your own life. ‘people will think you want to talk about yourself (which you might), rather than realising that their situation is different, and personal to them.’

This subject is such a vast area and I think we all have something to learn as we are taking steps in this journey of life. Please do feel free to share your thoughts on this matter!!!

Bill Gates sets his limits!

In this weeks TIME magazine there is a short interview with Bill Gates, father of computers. As I am a big fan of Mr. Gates I enjoyed reading this short piece of interview, what I found striking this time was not his new version of Microsoft Vista (which is interesting and I look forward getting it), or his extended charity work with the Gates Foundation, or his passion for computers and new technology. What was striking this time was his role as a father!

Mr Gates says he restricts the hours his son is allowed to use the computer. Although his son must have the latest versions of every gadget available, but his father has realised the importance of restricting and limiting children from overusing these gadgets and new techno toys.

Two years ago I did a major research on Microsoft and how they motivate their employees, it was an interesting piece of research, as the cooperation is one of its kind in knowing how to keep the best in the most seeked after jobs. Last year I attended the Microsoft headquarters in Redmond, Seattle in USA (amazing and impressive place I have to say). So I have always had a special relationship with Microsoft and Mr Gates, however this time around he made a special impression on me as his role as a parent.

Although I myself am not a parent yet, but I believe it is important to set limits for children. I think now days as parents have become so occupied with their own work and stressful schedules, they hardly manage to make time for their children, hence their children end up either spending hours in front of the TV set or the computer. We have lost touch with the real world and communicating on a normal level. I think there are many things we can learn from Bill Gates and one is this, set the limit!