Elham Binai

Being hard on myself

2010-12-14T20:28:00.004+01:00

"If you´re hard on yourself you´ll never have fun"

I remember as a child my parents were strict on me and my siblings. This was due to their good intentions on making sure we make right decisions in every step of our lives and functioning well in the society. Now I make my own decisions, and as I child I thought "when I grow up, I will not be as strict with life and myself as my parents are", but guess what, I am even more strict towards myself than what my parents have ever been towards me.

If you don´t go easy on yourself, you´ll never find peace. As I am entering new stages of life I am learning that I should be kinder to myself. Because it all starts from you, and if you´re so mean to yourself, you can never have any fun and you can never find peace.

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away."

~Raymond Hull

Playing it SAFE

2010-12-03T18:32:00.005+01:00

“It´s better to regret what you have done than what you haven´t”

It is 2010 and exactly ten years ago I graduated from college. I will soon turn 30 and naturally I think of all the years which have already passed, which I never will be able to change, however the bright side is that I hopefully have many years to go.

I think in our 20s we try to fit into the normal norm as safely as possible, but I can feel the turmoil inside every cell in my body wanting to be more of ME, having found my identity and coming to terms with that, with all my strengths and shortcomings.I believe when we all reach certain turning points in our lives, either at the age of 30, 50 or 90 we tend to examine our lives, the achievements of our years and how we have made time pass so fast. Many reach these turning points only to realize they have missed out on life.

This soon to be turning point in my life has made me think of the really important matters in life. When I was reaching the age of 20, I thought everything was about a great degree, career or position. I remember I was, as most people around me, trying to aim for these values. I feel that has somehow changed as I am not too far away from celebrating my 30^th birthday. I wonder if the world has changed, or have I changed, have my values changed? I cant point to what the difference is now, but what I now know is that my value is not upon what I have achieved or will achieve.

I have learned life is about decisions, and when making decisions we try to predict the consequences’ of our decisions, soon to realize that a decision will not always lead to what we had predicted. That is when life takes a new turn, either for better or for worse. Everything we do we choose, either playing it safe or not. So I wonder, what is there to regret? Arent we the person we have chosen to be?

I better start choosing who I want to become as a 40 year old lady….not playing it safe! If you always make the right decision, the safe decision, the one most people make, you will be the same as everyone else. Always wishing life was different.

Dare to Dream

2010-11-01T15:07:00.006+01:00

Do you have a dream? Or did you have a dream in the past, but now your circumstances have changed so much that the dream seems like it was from another lifetime? Maybe life has been so hard or painful that you have given up on your dream….or maybe you´ve never dared to dream at all.

My experience is when we feel like we have lost all our dream, that is the time God comes inn and gives life back with its load of dreams. Today I stopped, and got quiet in the presence of God. I think one of our times most devastating factors of depression and loneliness is that we don’t make time for our spiritual growth. When making time to rest in God´s presence and ask for help, that is the time we remember ones again the purpose behind it all and the spirit and energy which initially gave us all those dreams.

As human beings we can often rely on our own skills, intelligence and control of life. To some extend I do believe we should as those are the abilities God has granted us, but I think we often forget the root of all these dreams, skills and accomplishments. God is the author of our dreams, God and all the great energies he has put in the world wants you to accomplish your purpose in life.

I believe God is the creator and author of the earth and all it contains. This means he created you and me. This doesn´t mean everything that happens to you was planned by God. I think many have indeed been victimized through abuse or other misfortune. Pain in one form or another may have entered your life. But I do not think God is behind our misfortune. He is the author of overcoming every single devastation and making us more of a conqueror in the process of life.

I believe if we let God be the master of our lives he will fulfill his dreams in our lives, and we will find more of our life purpose. I have myself had and still sometimes have those days when you go through the day and wonder: “really, God has a purpose for me?” I can barely get through the day. How can I possibly take time to dream with God?....I know what you feel, but my reply to myself and to you is: “How can you not?”

Instead of FLOWERS

2010-10-27T16:49:00.006+02:00

Don’t you just love receiving flowers from someone who dearly loves you?, I do! My favorites are white roses. White roses calms me down, it has a sense of spirituality over it which makes me just want to grab a cup of herbal tea, put the flowers in a beautiful pot and just stare at them.

Although flowers makes me go “awwwww”, I have realized as I am growing older and hopefully more mature that there are so many other things we can do to each other which could go instead of flowers.

Maybe a nice gesture of writing a short note of “just wanted to say hi”. Don’t we all have those days of runny nose, red eyes, and the world looks darker than ever, you know what I am talking about. Sometimes we just want to go under the wool duvet and hide ourselves from the world, those are the times our world can be brightened up by a short note of “hi there”. Or when someone follows you up the stairs or comes up to pick you up, it means more than flowers. It is a gesture of care.

Don’t we sometimes feel like yelling out : “I just need to be held, looong and very soon”. Men often complain about their moody women, but I wonder if they would complain as much if they made time just holding their women, making her release all her positive hormones and energy into the universe. This was a hint to all the frustrated men out there, hug your girl!

So girls and boys here it comes, instead of flowers:

1. a hug

2. follow her up the stair

3. when in the petrol station, grab a chewing gum and coffee

4. leave a personal written note

5. have surprise gifts, give them on a day with no occasion

6. get some vitamins and herbs

7. cook a great meal

8. find out when her/his favorite movie/show goes on tv

9. put on her/his favorite cd

10.light some scented candles

The list could go on, you are welcome to add yours…..all instead of flowers!

LEARNING TO BE HAPPY

2010-10-26T23:56:00.007+02:00

As I was doing my Bachelor in Psychology back in 2001-2004 I was drawn towards the positive Psychology philosophy and Professor Martin Seligman. I ended up doing my final research project within forgiveness, where I measured weather people who tend to forgive more have healthier mind and body.

Some researchers believe there is an “intelligence of well-being”, and that we can increase our overall level of happiness by consciously savoring pleasurable moments. I wonder: “Does it really boil down to that?” Is happiness actually a skill that can be practiced and honed like any other?

Other positive Psychology researchers describe happiness as “complete absorption in the activity and situation at hand”, a state of being at one with oneself and one´s surroundings, which is termed “flow”. Flow is best achieved when we immerse ourselves in our work or are involved in an athletic or creative activity for its own sake.

Perhaps more of us would feel more content with our lives more of the time if we weren´t saddled with unrealistic expectations fuelled by popular culture – from the fairytales read to us as children that end with “they lived happily ever after” to the books and films we take in as adults. “It´s not bad idea to lower the bar a bit”. If someone´s idea of happiness is to kick back in front of the TV with a beer in the evening, great!” The main thing is for us to get rid of the “brakes” in our head that keep us from being happy, and heighten our awareness for the little moments of bliss. If we can do that and stop to smell the roses once in a while, we might just be lucky enough to find something approaching the holy grail of “enduring happiness”.

“It is a mistake to think happiness is the goal” – old monk

HAPPY – GO – LUCKY

2010-10-23T10:21:00.007+02:00

Is happiness a matter of luck?

There are people who seem to have been born under a lucky star. We all know one or two people on whom Fortune always seems to smile and whose lives appear to be full of serendipitous coincidences, wonderful friends and lovable relatives.

Maybe you´re even one of those yourself? Or perhaps you`re one of those unfortunates who always seem to be getting stuck in the slowest-moving queue at the supermarket and the lane on the motorway where traffic starts flowing last after a traffic jam?

Some researchers believe the “lucky” and “unlucky” do truly exist. But, I believe good and bad luck ultimately lie in the eye of the beholder. I was in New York City the day the passenger plane collided with a flock of birds and was forced to make an emergency landing on the icy Hudson river. You could say all 155 people on board were unlucky – or lucky, depending on your point of view.

So is happiness a matter of luck?

Well, yes and no. While few would deny that fate is kinder to some of us than others, a lot depends on how we play the hand we are dealt. The bottom line is: we have to help our luck along – and do something for our own happiness.

According to my experience there are few factors related to happiness we must have in mind. First of all: all people want to be happy. And second: happiness is of limited duration. Nothing and no one can make us happy allthe time. But if we wish to achieve a reasonable degree of overall happiness, we should bear in mind how the character of our mind will affect the soul. To certain extent, we are all the architects of our own fortunes, it is mostly up to us whether our face is etched with laugh lines or creased in frowns.

The pursuit of HAPPINESS

2010-10-22T13:33:00.004+02:00

When we have it, it is wonderful. When we do not, it can plunge us into the depths of despair. But What exactly is happiness, and even more importantly, how can we find it? I am in search of that grandest and most elusive of all human emotions.

A woman, a man, ….. glancing at the man by her side, she asks herself: Am I leading the life I imagined? Only to immediately answer her own question: No, I am not – but it does not matter. The only thing that matters is that I would not want to live without him because he makes me feel safe, loved, simply happy – life with him is pure bliss!

Indeed, love bears an enormous potential for happiness. As does the birth of a child. Or finally getting that job you always dreamed of. True, moments where we are completely happy are few and far between in everyday life. But their rarity only makes them that much more precious and more thrilling when they do occur. I can´t help but think of the little boy I met in Brazil, Sau Paulo who only wanted some attention, giving this to him made him happy. Or the mother I met in a slum in Rio De Janeiro who said: ”I am happy, I have food to eat and a family – what more do I want?”

Research findings have shown that happiness has nothing to do with money. A research conducted by London School of Economics and Political Science includes India and Bangladesh among the happiest populations in the world. How can that be? To answer that question, we would do well to start by taking a closer look at what is innside us. Think back to a moment when you experienced true happiness. Did you feel it rising like a warm wave within you, filling your entire being? People in the joyfull moment abandon themselves completely to the moment, often crying. My experience has been that I feel like I want to embrace the whole world and make time stand still so I can savour the moment, a moment where all colours seem brighter and more vivid than usual. Have you ever been that happy?

The inner screams of STRESS

2010-10-14T14:01:00.005+02:00

Stress has got many factors related to it. In order to find a lasting solution to this phenomena we must seek deeper within ourselves.

Havent we all experienced rushing from one project to the next, with a sense of actually not performing all our best within any of them. Most of us can deal with the short term stressors, but the problem arises when stress becomes everlasting and we never upload our batteries fully again.

Handling stress is largely about having set limits in daily life. So if we put limits then it will decrees the level of stress, but the one million question is

why don’t we? The main reason to it is that we feel we constantly need to accomplish, and we associate high accomplishment with high stress factor.

Constant stress has been related to deeper psychological roots, such as anxiety, insecurity and low self-esteem. Stress becomes for many a sense of security. When security and self esteem is highly linked to our accomplishments these feelings will fade away as soon as it came. If you want to handle stress, you not only have to say no to certain tasks, but start saying yes to your inner needs. In order to walk against the wind of stress, you and I must seek deeper mental strength and peace. This will increase our self-esteem and decrees anxiety and insecurity.

Down the line it is all about getting to know your inner strengths and weaknesses in order to work with them. Often as human beings we need someone outside to help us reflect over these issues in life and guide us in a more positive direction.

Elham Binai is a life coach and advisor for business men and women who all deal with stressors in their daily private lives and their business lives. Elham Binai has done extensive research within this field during her studies in Psychology.

Do you want your own life coach – book your first hour with Elham Binai.

Are you dead scared of speaking up?

2010-09-27T22:15:00.006+02:00

This weekend I was in a 60^th birthday party. The toast master had not been appointed in advance, he was requested for the role only a minute before the gathering of all the guests around the dinner table.

Back in 1998, I was invited to a conference in Helsinki, Finland. The conference manager suddenly realized he had not thought about who would lead the first meeting, as he approached me with those wide blank eyes, I knew what was awaiting me; “Can you lead the meeting please?”, he asked. Around 400 people were excitingly waiting for the meeting to start. Without hesitation I said: "Yes, I can". I thought I was going to die, not having prepared, but actually had to improvise the whole meeting. I got up to the platform and acted as if I had known about my role at least few months in advance. The feedbacks I received were amazingly positive. My role had shifted from only being a participant in the conference to actually becoming one of the main speakers and leaders during the week of the conference.

Several times have I experienced similar situations. I probably end up in these sort of settings due to my personality of not saying no, even though I know I am dead scared, but I say Yes, because I know I wont die of it.

I was impressed by how the toast master at the 60^th birthday party actually handled the whole evening making people relax, laugh and enjoy each others company. He was authentic in his attitude, but also professional. I believe this is the secret to the art of giving a speech which is interesting, fun and professional.

One of the biggest phobias people often hold is to talk in public. The phobia can be so extreme that certain people actually loose out on carrier opportunities. Speech phobia is a taboo subject in companies to talk about. If you are a leader or manager you are supposed to be up on the stage talking freely to hundreds of people. However, this is not always the case for many leaders.

I have had the privilege of growing up with parents who both have been leaders and talked in front of hundreds of people. Since my childhood I was encouraged to “get up there” on the stage and talk to the masses. Not everyone has had the same training and coaching from their parents, therefore we need to learn them in later adulthood.

Majority of people do not use their maximum potential in life due to being scared of talking to the masses or expressing their opinions in meetings. I have trained several in overcoming their speech phobias, this is not to say it is easy. Neither am I saying that every time I am speaking up that I am not scared at all. Every single time I feel the adrenalin kicking its way up, but I believe I have learned and learning constantly the ways of dealing with the positive adrenalin kicks.

The 60^th birthday dinner turned out to be a fabulous party with people being at ease and laughing, this was thanks to the toastmaster who knew the art of holding a good speech going!

You can book an coaching session with me on overcoming your public speaking anxieties. Remember that some of the greatest leaders have had the same coaching and training like you might now need in your life and career.

Elham Binai has been speaking in various conferences, seminars and gatherings. She is often chosen as the “speaker” of a groups opinion. She is perceived to be brave and well articulated, but she as many others has had to overcome her fears of public speaking and expressing opinion.

eb@nero.no / 0047-98489828

Thank you I am well!

2010-09-22T16:36:00.007+02:00

“How are you doing?”, “Thank you, I am well!”

This is a highly used phrase in our daily lives, a phrase we actually do not expect an honest and elaborated answer to. However, it is one the most common daily phrases used among us all. Often when we ask, it relates to physical health. That is when are able to divide between those who are ill and those who have a health issue to deal with, and if you do not have any physical health issues, then the assumption is that it all is good with you!

Today, we have a broader understanding of the matter of health. Someone who does not have any visible health related issue is not necessarily all through well. What we think of as good health today is highly related to if we are happy with our life situation.

Stress, jealousy and unhappiness within the living and working environment are part of the health definition. We want to be well adjusted within all levels of life in order to be able to say: “ I am well”, it is not enough anymore just the absence of flue and running nose.

Health is the most vital part of our lives. When we are blessed with good health we take it for granted, but as soon as it is taken from us, we realize how vital health is. So having a good health is not only about your physical self, but as much about your spiritual and mental health.

Maybe you would like to do something in order to improve your health, maybe give it attention and treatment? Give some time to your inner self-health. Invest in your self so next time people ask you “How are you doing?”, you can with pleasure and joyful heart say: “ Thank you I am well!”

Book your appointment with Mental & Spiritual Health Coach Elham Binai who will help you to a more satisfying life mentally and spiritually!

0047 98 48 98 28

eb@nero.no

office: Nedreslottsgate 15, Oslo

2010-09-21T11:15:00.005+02:00

The Right job for your health!

Most of us only need minor changes in our daily life situation in order to see the major consequence in our lives. We spend most of our life hours either at work or thinking of work, therefore if our job is meaningfull to our inner lives it might increase our feeling of fullfilment.

Either you take charge and change aspects of your current work situation and tasks, OR you take charge of your life and take a deeper look into yourself and what you want to do!

When work is not challenging or we dont feel we are ment to be here then the chances of various health related problems increases. People who have reported health problems in one job often have the same problems dissapear as soon as they change their job or direction in life.

If you dont have a feeling of doing something you feel is meaningfull then the chances of your dissatisfaction is much higher.

Are you currently in a wrong job?

Think of….

1. What makes you happy?
2. What motivates you?
3. What makes you og ”yeh-I wanna do this”?
4. In which arenas do you feel accomplished?
5. Do you know who you are? – what you want? – what you like?
6. Do you know what your skills are? How can you use your strenght?
7. What gives you energy? (either at work or in private)
8. Can you put words on what you like to do?
9. What can you change about your current work situation?
10. Find your tallents and grow them!

Book your appointment with coach/business psychology professional, Elham Binai who will help you to find a new motivation in your daily life. You might need to take big steps, but one day you will look back and be pleased by the decisions you made today!

e-mail: eb@nero.no

phone: 0047 98 48 98 28

office: Nedreslottsgate 15, Oslo, Norway

ATTENTION PLEASE

2010-03-25T20:34:00.005+01:00

We have become a nation of multi-taskers – checking our e-mail while on the phone, chatting while watching the TV. Why don’t we focus on the moment?

While writing this article I am watching tv, listening to music, my facebook and skype is on, and so is my phone. Just talked to my sister, but I feel I could not give her my full attention as my attention was all divided between all the attention magnets around me.

I think with this sort of lifestyle we are leading we are loosing the pleasure – real pleasure – of one and single activity. When our attention is engaged in one thing: a conversation; preparation of a meal; a great film, then we will understand the essence of that activity. Only then, when we´re not dividing our attention between various tasks we can say we are taking pleasure in the one and only task.

Our attention is pure energy. It transforms whatever it comes into contact with. The ultimate proof that our attention is valuable is all the money spent on attracting us by advertisers and TV channels. With the power of our attention alone, we can transform each moment. Maybe I should call my sister and repeat the conversation over again?

Commitment to myself!

2010-03-21T10:28:00.004+01:00

Our lives are absorbed by our commitments, whether we choose them or not. What I have learned in life is that commitment starts at home. First of all I should ask myself: ”Am I committed to me?”. Tibetans have for long been oppressed by Chinese, but they have been fully committed to their spiritual life, their families, and one another. This might be a dramatic contrast to the countries we live in, where it seems constant stimulation pulls us away from ourselves and our spirituality.

We are living with fast changing culture. Unlike in Tibet, immediate gratification has become the norm for many in our consumer culture. Everybody is in hurry. I wonder if we are running from ourselves?

Often when we talk about commitments we think of chains. My experience has been that commitments can be rich with meaning. They can be the wings on which our spirits soar. Most of us think of commitments towards others, but hardly do we consider commitment towards my own soul and mind. I think if we start commiting ourselves to our soal, spirit and mind, then we will gradually become better commiters towards others in our lives.

Conscious commitments are born out of our journey of spirit, our inner climbs. These inner climbs lead us to living our lives with meaning and to becoming more of who we are.

2010-02-28T09:37:00.007+01:00

P E A C E

it does not mean to be in a place

where there is no noise, trouble

or hard work. it means to be in

the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart !

Cambodia,Angkor Wat, Bayon

God in Everything

2010-02-27T08:01:00.003+01:00

"Everything in God, and God in everything"

I am the wind that breathes upon the sea

I am the wave on the ocean

I am the murmur of leaves rustling

I am the rays of the sun

I am the beam of the moon and stars

I am the power of trees growing

I am the bud breaking into blossom

I am the movement of the salmon swimming

I am the courage of the wild boar fighting

I am the speed of the stag running

I am am the strength of the ox pulling the plough

I am the size of the mighty oak

And I am the thoughts of all people,

Who praise my beauty and grace

Iranians - Hero Worshipers

2009-06-22T11:48:00.004+02:00

Unfortunately, Iranians are at heart hero worshippers. Whether it is the Rostam of our ancient epic poem the Shahnameh (The Book of Kings), or Imam Hossein, the martyr-saint of Shiism. People of Iran have got a history of clinging to the notion that one lofty, iconic figure can sweep through their lives, slay their enemies, and turn their world. Often we think history will teach us some sort of lesson, but if we don’t learn from history, history will unfortunately repeat itself.

Perhaps other cultures also believe in heroes, but in my readings and talks with people of all walks of life and cultures I have realized the unique devotion Iranians have to their heroes. They don’t question their hero anymore, as the hero becomes a ‘saint’ without any fault. People become emotionally attached to the image they have created in their minds. Not only do they fall in love with heroes, but they are in love with their love for them.

In voting for Khatami, Iranians believed they had done their part, and they settled back in haze of moony adoration, waiting for him to transform Iran into the paradise of their imaginations. In 2009 we see the same devotion to Mousavi, another reformist, thinking he will be the new ‘saint’ of Iran.
Peoples yearnings have overtaken their realism. Don’t they know what circumscribed powers Iranian constitution affords a president? Are they not aware of the intricate legal framework by which a handful of unelected clerical officials can unravel and determine policy, so as to render a president nearly irrelevant? Will it ever make any difference who the president is?! This is my question in the midst of all the violence we see in the streets

Norway wants a Free Iran

2009-06-20T01:01:00.004+02:00

This has been a VERY hectic week and we have all witnessed the horrible situation in Iran. Iranians have gathered around the world in order to show their support for the demostrators in Iran.

Norway has been one of these countries. On sunday I created a facebook group calles 'Norway wants a free Iran', today we have over 1600 members, iranians and norwegians supporting our fight for freedom in Iran.

Iranians have met outside the Iranian embassy and the norwegian parliament every single day. I have got to talk to many of them and seen the anger that lies in people, anger hidden for 30 years and suddenly these elections in Iran arose all these hidden emotions.

Information to Norway demostrators:

Saturday the 20th at 12.00 noon outside the parliament (Stortinget) - several members of the norwegian parliament will be there to show their support!

You can become member in 'Norway wants a free Iran'!

Hoping for a better future in Iran!

Ebi - Tasmim ویدیوی ابی در مورد انتخابات نمایشی ایران (Decision)

2009-06-15T01:39:00.001+02:00

One of Irans most loved artist Ebi singing about the corrupt elections in Iran. He is expressing his frustration and opposition against the regime of Iran.
Ebi has been in exile since the revolution in 1979.

Elections in Iran

2009-06-11T00:37:00.005+02:00

On Friday the Iranian people will cast their votes for the 10th time since the 1979 Islamic revolution. Mr Ayatollah Khomeini and then Mr Ayatollah Khamenei have always had to approve the participation of the various candidates. One of their primary and most vital characteristics had to be their approval of the Islamic laws set by the mullahs. This year only four candidates have reached the final stage of the elections. The run up to the elections was very quiet, then the last few weeks a whole nation have gotten involved in historic moments of Iranian politics. The candidates have for the first time in Iranian history had the courage to openly criticize each other, and not only as opponent candidates, but also the previous presidents, such as Mr Rafsanjani and his sons, who have openly been questioned by the sitting president on their vast fortune.

My interest in the elections are due to several reasons, firstly because I am Iranian, I am journalist and I am also a citizen of the world who cares about the 70 million people living in one of the biggest prisons of our time. Four years ago when Mr Ahmadinejad was elected many Iranians boycotted the elections, and now they believe that is why the current president was elected. The young generation don’t want to repeat the same mistake. Mr. Mousavi who is Mr. Ahmadinejads main opponent in this election has gathered a vast number of green followers who are doing all they can to get people voting.

I think people of all nations should participate in their countries politics, but they should also question the foundations of the whole ‘democratic’ system which is being promoted. The Islamic Republic of Iran is not based on democratic regulations! If it had been, all sorts of parties would be allowed to run for elections, but as we all know this does not occur in hard lined Islamic Republic run by clerics.

I do not live in Iran, so I might not know what people are really going through, but myself and millions of Iranians living abroad (due to this regime) can see things maybe clearly as we are standing on the outside. What I find hard to understand is when Iranians outside of Iran will actually go to the Iranian embassies in their countries and cast their votes. I know I am offending many by saying this, but I truly think if you cast your vote and see your desired candidate win this election then you might consider returning to Iran as you should experience the consequences of your vote.

In Iran people are choosing between ‘bad’ and ‘worse’, and they have chosen to go for the bad, rather rethinking and standing together for a major Change. Let us think about the Iranian prisons which are filled by political prisoners, journalists, and people from religious minorities. These are issues that must be changed and unfortunately another election has passed and these issues have not been addressed as the main worries of a ‘democratic’ nation. Democracy is not when we get to draw back our head scarves or freely go to various parties without any guards interrupting the fun we have. Just the name of current Iran, ‘the Islamic Republic of Iran’ says it all, it out rules a whole lot of religions and ideologies. Democracy is when I know I can live as the person I am and express my opinion without being afraid of the consequences of my thoughts.

Honesty lasts longer

2009-06-06T02:17:00.006+02:00

It is time to be honest, true and authentic. Weather we are in politics, finance, entertainment or our private lives. But how costly is being honest in the long run?

Barack Obama – with his campaign on ‘Change’ has become a true example of transparency and honesty in 2009. What he and Michelle are trying to do is to set an example of authentic lives. Obama has been open about his wrongdoings, which ‘normal’ people associate themselves with.
Has the world really opened up for true honesty? We hunger for the truth! We have all seen so much lie in our lives, that now we are longing to live out a true and authentic life.

But is the truth always, to all times important to follow? Haven’t we all experienced times and situations in our daily lives where we rather tell a little ‘white lie’ than the truth, in order to save a person from being hurt?

One of the groups of society that maybe are telling the truth and the whole truth, are comedians. They are supposed to bring out the taboo subjects, things we as normal people rather not talk about or ignore, but as they enter their comedian role on stage they are ‘allowed’ to express these viewpoints which we might hold, but not true enough to express?!

You want to be authentic? I do! We have had enough pretending. We have all seen so much acting in our world, that we spot people who try to manipulate or lie. Have we come to a point in humanity where the ‘good story’ needs to be replaced or added with ‘the true story’?

Both marketing and politics are filled with all sorts of ‘bullshit’ talk – it comes with the job. However, now people were thirsty for an Obama. He is saying the same things as other politicians have previously been saying, but there is something authentic about him. However, we now are all expecting results from all this fine talk.

The truth is a reflection about our reality in which we are surrounded by. It is fundamental that we ourselves are in touch with this reality in order to reveal it. The truth works. If you dare trusting the truth, then you will actually succeed in the long run. On the other hand our lies can haunt us. Then the battle is definitely defeated.

You think the truth will conquer at last? I think it is worth fighting for the truth. I think what truly is important in life is to be true to yourself, to people around you and true in the nature of your day to day actions.

I’m on twitter!

2009-05-28T23:29:00.005+02:00

I am sure you have by now heard of Twitter. It still is in its infancy phase, but with the paste of its growth it will soon be used by the masses. I’ve just been on Twitter for few weeks and already have over 80 followers. I myself am following about 120 people. Some of these are more active than others. Ofcourse it is more fun to get the constant updates from people whom you have chosen to follow. The whole purpose of Twitter is to keep your followers updated with the matters of your life and mind. If you don’t then you are not a very cool person to follow.

Twitter is the public version of facebook status update. Ashton Kutcher broke the record having most followers, actually more than CNN. Ashton and Demi are amongst the most active celebrities online, and use this network promptly to communicate with their fans. What I have appreciated is to get the latest news update right away on my page. I am not sure if everyone appreciates this constant boom of information, but being a journalist this is a great way of keeping myself updated.

Twitter has become even cooler since I realized I have followers such as the Priminister of Norway, Jens Stoltenberg, the Cultural Minister, Trond Giske, Donald Trump, Shahrukh Khan, Yoko Ono, and Maria Shriver among many others.

eye for an eye.........

2009-05-21T00:44:00.000+02:00

BE YOURSELF

2009-01-29T23:59:00.000+01:00

To build or To plant?

2009-01-29T00:13:00.003+01:00

In life each person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant.

The builders might take years over their tasks, but one day, they finish what they’re doing. Then they find they’re hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning when the building stops.

Then there are those who plant. They endure storms and all the many vicissitudes of the seasons, and they rarely rest. But, unlike a building, a garden never stops growing. And while it requires the gardener’s constant attention, it also allows life for the gardener to be a great adventure.

Which one are you?

From the book ‘Brida’ by Paulo Coelho

"What was war?"

2009-01-11T02:49:00.000+01:00

Eat – Pray – Love

2009-01-09T20:12:00.009+01:00

One Woman's Search for Everything...

The great Sufi poet and philosopher Rumi once advised his students to write down the three things they most wanted in life. I have spent the last few months trying to finish a book about ‘Elisabeth’ who searched and found the three most important things in her life. Elisabeth is in her thirties searching for her identity, she is searching for meaning of life and trying to find peace in life and with its occurrences.

Me on my own soul searching trip to Cambodia, Angkor Wat!

Elisabeth takes me from busy and hectic life in New York to her eating trip in Italian village, then to her meditation and yoga experiences in India and finally she falls in love with a Brazilian man in Bali. As she feeds her physical body with amazingly delicious food she gets ready to feed her soul with prayer and God searching in India, she seeks God and explores new aspects of being human. As she has found God and the spiritual nature of humanity she knows how to love and to be loved.

10 extracts from my reading;

1. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.

2. Learn your way around loneliness. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

3. Because the world is so corrupted, misspoken, unstable, exaggerated and unfair, one should trust only what one can experience with one’s own senses.

4. In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted.

5. We’re miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality. We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have failed to recognize our deeper divine character.

6. You are what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.

7. “Then I said to God; sorry this is the closest I could get to you today”

8. The only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart. That is where you need to go!

9. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.

10. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.

What are the three things you want the most in life?

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T10:25:00.001+01:00

Merry Christmas to you all. Sharing my favorite Christmas song on this beautiful season. I hope we all will take good care of each other and help each other in growing into better human beings. For those of you who do not celebrate Christmas I also wish you a magnificent holiday season.

Let us spend this season to show those around us how much they are valued in our lives. Seasons will pass, Christmas after Christmas, gifts will be wrapped and opened, money and fortune will all pass away - but the only thing that will remain is Love. Let us spend this season to nurture our relationships with love, respect and understanding!

Merry Christmas from Elham

More Mistakes.....

2008-12-20T00:13:00.000+01:00

Norway – the most gender equal country!

2008-12-17T18:49:00.006+01:00

According to new studies reported by The World Economic Forum, Norway is the most gender equal country in the world. This report is yearly published in cooperation with Harvard and Berkeley University.

All the Nordic countries scored high in this report. Finland ranged second after Norway, while Sweden ranged third. When examining the share of women in the Legislature, the Nordic countries score high, compared with other European countries and North America.
An important aspect in gender equality is access to and representation in administrative and political key positions. Within education, labor market and political life, Norway is among the countries in which women do very well in relation to men. The legislation in Norway demands at least 40 percent women participation in stock listed companies.

Four main aspects are given especial focus in this report;
1. Educational level
2. Political representation
3. Health
4. Financial opportunities

The ten highest in the world
1. Norway
2. Finland
3. Sweden
4. Island
5. New Zealand
6. Philippines
7. Denmark
8. Ireland
9. Netherland
10. Latvia

Dreams come true: Alexandra Burke sings with Beyonce

2008-12-15T23:16:00.001+01:00

The final X-Factor 2008 in UK was a day Alexandra Burke had dreamed of for many years. Three years ago she was eliminated from the show, but she did not let that become a defeat in her life, instead she practiced for three years in order to now have won X-factor UK.
She is characterized as the Beyonce of UK. I am sure we will see great achievements from Alexandra, because she is a fighter!

Dont give up!

Climbing Mountains

2008-12-13T08:06:00.001+01:00

(leaf through by clicking at the right corner)

Live, Love, Laugh!

2008-12-11T23:05:00.002+01:00

Fear of flying; a common phobia!

2008-12-08T22:02:00.006+01:00

My sister Arezo has got a mild flight phobia. Before writing this piece I asked for her permission to share her story with my readers. I believe when we are open about our personal stories it surely becomes much closer, which I am hoping will increase a sense of openness and acceptance among us all.

We might all know people who don’t think much of flying. There are different degrees of how much people let their lives be controlled by these phobias. Arezo never used to have a phobia of flying until few years ago when she flew back to London from San Francisco. The flight trip was very long and turbulent. Every time she is going to fly we have a calming session going on, either on the phone or in person if we are with her. The times I have flown with her I have truly seen her fear and the anxiety occupying her mind. Arezo needs to talk and hold my hand ('squeezing my hand' :). What is important to her is that I keep on talking in order to keep her mind off the flight. I have to admit that I am not always up for a hand squeeze, so as soon as we find our seats I pretend like I am sleeping :)

Every time Arezo is flying the whole family call her to wish her good luck and be strong; “nothing will happen”, “you will be alright”, “if something was going to happen no one would ever fly”, “we will pray for you”. When Arezo’s flight lands the first thing she does is send us all text message saying “she is still alive”.

Let's be honest, most people are on some level afraid to fly. There is something unnatural about a flying object made out of several tons of steel and aluminum. Whether you just pay strict attention to the takeoffs and landings or grip the arm rests until your veins bulge, the fear has to be overcome. For 99.9% of flyers there is only one legitimate fear: turbulence. Planes can handle turbulence without batting an eyelash, but humans in the cabin have problems when they don't have control over the situation or a way out.

The way our bodies react to fear is the same weather the matter we fear are real or not. This is why the body having flight phobia will become highly stressed. Many use alcohol or medication in order to calm down their feelings, but that is surely not a good long time solution to the phobia.
I am glad my sister has not let her fear of flying control her ways of travelling. During the last four years she has been living in London, Arezo has been flying back and forth several times a year.

To do list;
· Educate yourself
· Replace anxious thoughts with pleasant thoughts
· Schedule a worry time
· Get to the airport in good time
· Breathe deeply
· Inform people you travel with or the cabin crew about your fear

Fear will never kill us. The worst thing is that we might show feelings and thought that are not the ‘normal’ acceptable manner of behavior in a society, but who cares, if you think flying will reveal certain emotions in you – fly and don’t let your fear rule over you!

Mark Twain once said that courage wasn't the absence of fear, it is mastery over it.

Your Dream!

2008-12-03T22:09:00.002+01:00

Stars do not struggle to shine, rivers do not struggle to flow, and you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best. Hold on to your dream and it shall be well with you. Your dream will not die, your plans will not fail, your destiny will not be aborted, and the desire of your heart will be granted!

What will people remember?

2008-12-01T23:08:00.003+01:00

Thanksgiving - "Lord; Thank you for the life you have provided for me to live!"

2008-11-29T15:30:00.009+01:00

Brasil

Cambodia

Malaysia

Singapore

What are YOU thankful for?

“The Rock of my family”

2008-11-28T00:42:00.007+01:00

Barrack Obama characterized his wife as; the woman of his life, the love of his life and the Rock of the family. Michelle Obama who is to become the first Black First Lady entering the white house is the woman who has stood with the President elect for 16 years. In all interviews I have seen of Michelle she characterizes herself first as a mum, then down to earth and now First Lady. She takes her role as a mother very serious and believes that change needs to start and lay its foundations in our families.

Michelle is probably one of the most proud women on earth. On the night of election, Barack Obama greeted his wife as such: ‘The rock of our family, the love of my life…the nation’s next first lady – Michelle Obama. I am grateful to her’. When I heard this I thought about the famous phrase; “Behind Every Successful man there is a Strong women”! On the night of the American election this was again confirmed.

February 25, 2008 issue of Newsweek, "The Real Michelle Obama," looked at how the aspiring First Lady was coping with the scrutiny, balancing work and family life, and making sure her husband is "keeping it real". Michelle is described as relaxed, smart, funny, confident, and opinionated. She is described to be the same in private as in public. As a political spouse, she is somewhat unusual. She isn't the traditional booster who sticks to a script. Michelle has made it her job to ensure that Barack doesn't lose sight of what's normal. Michelle does this by reminding Obama of his role as a husband and father.

During an interview she said she will just try to be who she is in the role of a First Lady. And that's going to come with all the pluses and minuses and baggage and insecurities and all the things brought into the role, this also includes hopes and dreams of Change!

Seeing your daughter being raped!

2008-11-26T17:19:00.003+01:00

Today Fatemeh Pajouh (37) was executed in Evin prison in Tehran. In 2002 Fatemeh witnessed her new husband raping her 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage. No one probably will ever understand what sort of feeling Fatemeh had arising in her when seeing this scene, her instant reaction was anger and this led to killing this cruel man.

Most people would agree that killing another human being is a crime. The judicial court in Iran decided killing Fatemeh was the solution. What sort of signal is this giving to the country? What sort of power is it giving those committing rape and abuse? Is this really the way we should deal with such a situation?

Fatemeh’s lawyers were not informed of this execution. Her two daughters are now left without their mother, the mother who acted in order to protect her offspring and finally gave her own life in order to save her daughter.

What would other mothers do? What would I do in a similar situation? What would you do? Is the punishment fair? So many questions do arise, and importnat issues to address, and if we dont we might hear another similar Fatemeh story.

Amnesty International opposes the death penalty, in violation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, to which Iran is a state party.

The Second Skin; ‘What clothes reveal about us’

2008-11-24T13:04:00.004+01:00

Last night the three girls in the house; mum, my sister and I had a great conversation on a matter that all women think about every day; CLOTHES! This time it wasn’t about new items we had bought or the beautiful dress we had seen at the boutique, which we would like if someone heard and bought for Christmas. Although I have tried that too!

This time it was about; 'what clothes reveal about our personality'. We did a bit of analyzing on how WE dress, and what WE are saying by the way we dress. My sister who is one of the most beautiful girls on the face of the earth said; you don’t need to show your whole body to the world in order to appear sexy. Mum totally agreed ;) I too think you can be covered, but still shine sexiness and beauty. I love going shopping with my sister, she is the most honest person to go shopping with, sometimes I wish she wasn’t so that I would ignore how some clothes truly looks on me and just wear them. Women often bring someone shopping with them who would agree on what ever they wear. Next time you go shopping bring someone honest with you, who actually does care about what you reveal to the world around you!

I think we should care about what we wear and think of what our clothes say about us. Clothes do matter to all of us, and we all make judgments – about ourselves as well as others depending on them. What we wont wear says as much as what we will. We all dress to make an impression, to fit in, to be ‘appropriate’, to be noticed or invisible. Whether we realize it or not, our clothes signal something important. It is the message we are giving out! How we dress is an invitation to the world to think of us in a certain way, it will tell a story of power, belief, confidence, even subversion.

Earlier on the day we had a similar conversation with dad; about make up. Dad doesn’t like a lot of make-up. He thinks the natural look with the beauty that girls reveal from inside will make the girl beautiful and attractive. I think most men would agree. When you don’t wear make-up people can see instantly whether you’re happy, sad and tired because all these things are writ on your skin. Being barefaced will force us to be more healthy and happy because if we don’t get enough sleep, or we are upset we will just look terrible. I wish women of all age would realize that attraction comes from revealing the true YOU and the self esteem that comes from within.

Clothes can create positive or negative energy. Both within ourselves and the energy we give to the world. It’s important to wear your clothes and not let your clothes wear you.

Why relationships End?

2008-11-16T18:34:00.005+01:00

Recently I have come across many couples who have decided to end their relationships, this has made me ask questions. I absolutely believe every person’s story and their reason for ending must be respected. It sometimes is easy to stand at the side and judge others for leaving the person they used to love and the person they had dedicated all their lives to. The “whys” that arise in my mind are many; I would like to think of these matters in order to avoid it in my own life, however I am aware that life brings on so many uncertain happenings that change people, circumstances and how we adjust to it.

Many couples will cite ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the cause of the split, but what are really all these differences? And how can we all avoid the most common pitfalls?

Partners do not understand each others emotions; I think before pointing at the other person, it is vital to examine our own behavior. Few things do more damage to a relationship than judging a partner yet never confronting him or her with the issues. We often assume others should and must understand what goes on in our minds, which is never going to happen, so get on with it and talk :). We often spend too much time moaning about issues, rather than airing them.
Argue about everything; rowing is not the cause of a relationship in ending, it often is the symptom. It is when we don’t admit our real fears that we find a way out with arguing. During an argument we should learn to ask ourselves: ‘What are my real fears; what would I rather be saying?’
Relationships never really recover after having children; I have always wondered why people have children although they haven’t learned how to cope with life together. There is absolutely no room for a child when there is so much argument involved. Children should not and must not grow up with parents that still behave as children themselves. Unfortunately often we see couples who wrongly think a child will solve all their issues in life. How a couple reorganizes their new roles is the key to relationship survival.
Everything once adored about the partner is now found unbearable; we are often attracted to aspects that we feel are missing in ourselves. But couples often emphasize these differences rather than embracing them.
He/She has had an affair; statistically around half of all married men and women have extra-marital sex. Resolving infidelity requires self-awareness on both sides. The tendency is to blame each other rather than ask, ‘what have I been doing?’ Affairs don’t just arrive out of the blue, they are symptoms of something else going on. It’s a breakdown in communication, an inability to understand what makes the other person feel loved. The unfaithful person has to prove himself or herself trustworthy in order for the relationship to receive an other chance to survive.
No longer attracted to each other; I think people drift apart because they haven’t been investing enough in the relationship. The relationship is a separate entity that needs to be nurtured. I think it is important to ask; ‘how is it going?’ ‘how can we improve it?’ ‘when did the kissing and cuddling stop, and what else is happening?’ It is all about constantly getting to know each other better. My aunty and uncle arrange a date every week in order to keep their relationship fresh and exciting. This is after 20 years of marriage.
Partner having a crisis; when a partner decide to have a radical change and the other part does not have any idea, this may cause problems. Partners may grow away from each other and adopt different interests. It is important to be open about why now? Why are you seeing life so differently now? It is vital to agree on things that work for both parts.

I have observed many couples, coached people through their difficulties, and seen that these 7 point are usually the cause of ending a relationship. I wish we would not expect things to become perfect overnight, but rather use our time to build families, relationships, and societies that function healthily and bring on change. In order to see such relationships it requires people who decide to work hard for the quality of their relationships and life!

Just a last note – rushing into marriage does not help your life either, think before acting. Just having a person by your side does not guaranty happiness, but having the right match on the journey of life you are leading will put you on a line of happiness, but still alot of hard work is required!

Bring Summer into Winter

2008-11-14T23:02:00.005+01:00

Since two weeks I have really been feeling the effects of winter virus. During winter, our energy levels take a dive while our body clocks adjust to sleeping longer. I wake up at 5 am in order to go to work and it is of course dark outside, and in the afternoon when I return home at about 6pm it still is dark. I hardly get to see the light, unless I go out in the middle of the day.

I think it indeed is possible to reserve the cycle and recapture a sense of wellbeing. The lack of sunlight means that vitamin D levels are down, weakening immunity and lowering your mood. The short days also confuse the pineal gland in our brain. Light sends out hormones that regulate sleep and energy levels. In wintry darkness, this little gland cannot send out the usual signals we need to help us feel energetic and sociable.

When the weather is cold, our muscles and blood vessels constrict, making us more tense. This winter-related body tension means that we hardly sweat, as it’s a major way that the body rids itself of toxins, and a build up of toxins is generally associated with low energy levels and low mood.

The question is; how can you and I recapture the energy and vitality of the summer?
Sunlight is the answer; remember vitamin D – this will play a key role in boosting your immunity. This will also treat depression. It is indeed important to get out and take a run or walk. Sauna and the effect of heat in our bodies will urge every organ of the body into action and release the toxics.

The winter cold makes us feel tense, constricted and uptight, but a sauna or steam bath helps us relax, unwind and switch off. In order for the body to cope it must slow down. Spicing meals will also raise the body temperature from the inside out, boosting circulation and immunity while relaxing the body.

This information is vital in the busy life we all lead. Take time out to treat yourself, your mind and body. I hope I get better soon!

Farshid Amin Performing for Barack Obama!

2008-11-06T05:34:00.011+01:00

Iranian composer Farshid Amin has written a great song called 'Change' which was performed at a gala for Barack Obama two weeks ago. Lionel Richie and The Pointer Sisters also submitted songs but Farshid's was chosen . He has been invited to perform the song on election night at the Democratic Victory Gala in Orange County. He is the first Iranian singer ever to perform on election night.

PS:Thank you to my friend Bita for sending this link to me!

The US Election – a historical moment!

2008-11-05T04:57:00.006+01:00

Since I can recall back, my father used to tell us that election night and the counting was important in order to understand the progress of the parties involved. I used to spend sleepless nights following the debates, the changing numbers and the percentage which would constantly direct us towards the final results. We had to keep updated not only with the Norwegian and Scandinavian elections, but also Iranian, American and preferably Azerbaijan and Turkey as they are very close to my families’ heart. I did spend many sleepless election nights catching up on everything I had missed during the campaigns.

It is absolutely important to engage in local as well as national politics, but in the case of American elections, they get the whole globe involved in their campaigns and final election days. A lot of my Scandinavian friends have spent the night of the election watching the news, following the election, as well as having their own favorites they would vote for if they had American citizenship.

What ever the outcome becomes, I think what is important to celebrate this time more than any other time in history is that both candidates have managed to get new sorts of people voting. The more people vote, the more will the elections reflect the wants and desires of the majority in the country. This is of course a favorable journey to increased democracy in any state of the world.

Sleeping on the night of election was not an option for me, as any other election throughout my upbringing and adulthood. On the election night a new future is laid, and a new start to take upon. It is exciting to be part of all the emotions and thought around the final race and a historical moment.

Brilliant Project Management

2008-11-01T11:53:00.003+01:00

What the BEST project managers know, say and do!

I’ve just finished a brilliant book about project management. The skills you learn as a project manager does not only benefit the business you are part of, but also your daily tasks. Unfortunately we have so many people running our politics, medias, businesses and the society without being a good leader, without understanding and knowing the importance of their vital role in the area they are of influence.

An Irish philosopher said; "there are three types of people: those who make things happen, those who things happen to, and those who say,,. 'what happened?'

SEVEN HABITS OF BRILLIANT PROJECT MANAGERS

1. Focus on solutions to problems
2. Be consultative yet decisive
3. Remain customer focused at all times
4. Negotiate for a win-win result
5. Get the best out of everyone
6. Constantly look to adapt and evolve
7. Lead by example

Path to happiness...

2008-10-11T16:45:00.003+02:00

If you can forgive yourself for the mistakes you make, you will find true happiness.

Happiness is a key success principle!

2008-10-09T20:54:00.007+02:00

"When one door of happiness closes,another opens,but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

Helen Keller

Helen Adams Keller (June 27, 1880 – June 1, 1968) was an American author, activist and lecturer. She was the first deafbling person to graduate from college.

Path to Happiness...

2008-10-05T00:48:00.004+02:00

Bring a ray of happiness into other people’s lives, and feel its warmth reflected back into your own.

Path to Happiness

2008-10-05T00:13:00.004+02:00

Happiness cannot be found by following other people.

Find your own way!

Heels and Books

2008-09-28T21:40:00.008+02:00

I often have a special urge of going to a bookshop, not because I need to buy a specific book, but just to wander around – leaf through the books and accumulate all the knowledge. While studying I managed to spend most of my money on books. My fellow students would hardly buy the books but rather borrow them from the University library. I loved buying the books and write my personal notes and thoughts in my own books. If someone borrowed my books I would allow them to write and highlight my books as much as they wanted.

Currently I have a room just dedicated to all my books. They are the most valuable possession I have. Going to a bookshop makes me feel alive, it makes me realize ‘there is so much I don’t know – and so little time to read all the books I want to read’.
Don’t misunderstand me, I am not a geek :). I love clothes and shoes as much as other ladies do, but I get fed up with them after wearing them few times, but it is an other story with my books – I don’t think I ever will get fed up leafing through each one of them - reading thorough my old notes and thought. It refreshes my soul and mind.

My personal library is filled with books in relation to psychology, journalism, history, fashion, interior decoration, poetry, business, fiction, biographies and all sorts of other subjects that I love reading about. I love being in that room, I love being surrounded by all these great words written by great men and woman in history of mankind.

My shoes and clothes will go out of fashion and I will need to renew my wardrobe with new items and give away the old ones. But my books – they will never go out of fashion, they will just become even more valuable as the years pass.

In 4th grade I was awarded the ‘bookworm’ of the whole school. That was one of my first awards. Perhaps that became an inspiration! I like to thank our library lady who thought I actually read all the books I used to borrow!

Backup

2008-09-10T20:09:00.005+02:00

Do you always remember to back up your computer?
My answer to my question is; no I do not! But I know I should!
I got to experience the pain of not having a back up last week when I happened to have a terrible day. I was in the office, working on my laptop, I thought some coffee would help keep me going for the rest of the day, so I got a full cup of hot black coffee. As I sat down and had a sip of this marvelous caffeine drink which immediately gave an adrenalin kick, suddenly the hot cup fell on my laptop.
All I cared about at that particular moments was not getting coffee stain on my clothes, but other than that it was all about getting the laptop started again as it suddenly went all black. Call me naive or illiterate when it comes to the it-world, but I thought they had made water resistant/coffee resistant laptops (haven’t the Japanese done that yet?:). My laptop was dead, but I was hoping it would just cool down and start over again. I phoned the It-department and talked to few It-guys and each one one of them gave me an assurance of that my laptop was dead, and I probably had lost everything I had saved on it if I had not made a backup. It would cost about 50.000 Norwegian Kroners in order to retrieve all the information. A friend of mine said; why were you drinking coffee? That is for grownups! True:)

I had so much work saved in there, so many deadlines to meet, but I was unable to do anything, ended up working all weekend. I have now received a new laptop, but then that means starting over again having lost all my work and personal documents on my previous laptop.

Do you make a regular backup of your documents? I hope you will after reading about my experience. I miss the time when we had paper pictures, when we received letters in the post and not e-mails, I miss the time when we did not have to think of backup, but the time when I used to keep everything valuable in a box or draw:)

I am all for water/coffee/coke resistant laptops (by the way, did I mention I spilled coke on an other computer just few days prior to this happening, but fortunately the computer tolerated the coke:). I am trying to draw out a moral of this story, and I am understanding the moral is not just having a backup, but it actually also is; don’t drink anything while working with your non water resistant laptop!

My little Brother got married on the 26th July 2008

2008-07-29T15:00:00.005+02:00

Navid Binai, my little brother got married to Aram Ostadian on the 26th of July in Marmorchurch in the beautiful city of Copenhagen, Denmark. Right now they are on their honeymoon, which is a gift from me and Arezo, my sister. We just do not know where they are, no one knows, it is a secret, they will announce it on their return, just like the royalties:)

I have witnessed my brother growing from being a boy to becoming a man, a man that has made such a big choice in life and a choice of loving and committing himself to one woman. I was over the top on their big day, I did not know how to express my joy so I decided to dance all night!

It was a truly beautiful day for us all to get together on their memorable day. I could see the joy in my brother’s eyes, he is truly in love, and did not hide it at all on the day. I wish them a life of blessing. I believe marriage is hard work, and it must truly be worked on, love between two people must always be kept fresh and alive. One man is made for One woman, and the two of them have come together in order to become role model for their children and the society.

Change in every society will start in our families and in our relationships. It is in our relationships we learn to love and respect others, and if we know how to, we might be able to rub some of this attitude to the environment we are part of.

I love you Navid and Aram!

Greatest Mistake

2008-06-21T00:00:00.003+02:00

“The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one.”

What did you do today that you can be proud of?

2008-06-04T22:26:00.005+02:00

Today I attended one of the most challenging, but fun courses at the training studio were I work out. During the class the instructor asked us all; “What did you do today that you can be proud of?” Sometimes I wrongly think we need to have a certain big achievement in life in order to become proud of ourselves, but in order to enjoy the pleasure of big achievements I need to enjoy the pleasure and excitement of small goals in my daily life. So what was I proud of today? I know you are thinking, are we going to start bragging about ourselves, no I don’t think it is about bragging, I think it is about becoming self aware and thinking of ourselves as valuable and someone that you can be proud of (in a humble manner).

At the training studio today I pushed my limit to keep on working out even though my whole body and mind wanted to stop, I am very proud of haven challenged myself.

Today I was proud of………if you don’t come up with anything, think again…eventually you will. Please feel free to note down what you did TODAY that you are proud of.

Why ‘The Secret?’

2008-05-27T23:32:00.005+02:00

You must by now have heard of the best selling book ’The Secret’, which has been translated to several languages, people have started ‘Secret’ clubs, a ‘secret’ DVD was launched after the book reached its popularity to this extend. I had to of course get the book and see what the fuss was all about. I finished the book a while ago and was left with these thought.

The book is a marvelous collection of great life philosophy, it truly will make many people reflect about life, past experiences, and future plans. I enjoy reading these sort of books, but I have to say it was nothing new that made me go ‘ahhh….’. I have come come across all these statements and suggestions for life in other ‘self help’ books. I think if I was not trigged by reading these positive psychology/self help/ spiritual (you can call it what you like) books I would have thought ‘The Secret’ is one of the most amazing books. To me it was absolutely beautiful, but not anything revolutionary.

I do indeed highly recommend ‘The Secret’, if you want to read one good spiritual self help book then you should absolutely get this one down on your wish list. Here I am sharing few aspects of the book which made me reflect on several highly vital matters of life.

"Everything that’s coming into your life you are attracting. It’s attracted to you by virtue of the images you’re holding in your mind. It’s what you are thinking. Whatever is going in your mind you are attracting to you."

Your life is a mirror of the dominant thoughts you think!

If you’re worried or in fear, then you’re bringing more of that into your life throughout the day.

“You create your own universe as you go along” Sir Winston Churchill

“Anyone that ever accomplished anything, did not know how they were going to do it. They only knew they were going to do it” Bob Proctor (author of ‘you were born RICH’)

The Universe likes speed. Don’t delay. Don’t second guess. Don’t doubt. When the opportunity is there, when the impulse is there, when the intuitive nudge from within is there, ACT!
Begin to expect great things, and as you do, you will create your life in advance!
“All that we are is a result of what we have thought” Buddha

So imagine a world where people are using their full mental and emotional potential. We could go anywhere. We could do anything. Achieve anything!

We need to stop hiding all this ‘secret’, instead start taking advantage of the power that lies within us!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

2008-05-19T23:34:00.006+02:00

1.
Throw out nonessential numbers
This includes age, weight and height.
2.
Keep only cheerful friends
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)
3.
Keep learning
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4.
Enjoy the simple things
Take pleasure in details of your life.
Put value upon simple events in life
5.
Laugh often, long and loud
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM / HER.
6.
The tears happen
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is yourself.
LIVE while you are alive.
7.
Surround yourself with what you love
Whether it's family, pets, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8.
Cherish your health
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9.
Don't take guilt trips
Take a trip shopping, even go abroad,
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10.
Tell the people you love
that you love them, at every opportunity

Power of our words

2008-05-09T20:23:00.006+02:00

Why do so many of us remember all the negative things our friends, family and colleagues have said? "You're always late." "This place is a mess." "You never listen to me." Why can't a big bouquet of roses or even a bonus at work make up for several things that caused hurt feelings? Why do we remember critical remarks more than positive ones? According to Dr. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago you can blame it on the brain, as the brain is actually more sensitive and responsive to unpleasant news. That's why personal insults or criticism hit us harder and stay with us longer.

Number of positive/negative remarks
Not only do we have a built-in partiality toward negative information, but negatives cover the positives. Our brain needs a higher number of positive entries to counterbalance this built-in negativity bias. One super-size positive cannot offset multiple negatives.

The right formula
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington says we need at least two positive remarks to one negative. I believe the best thing is to practice; say at least two positive things about someone every day. Avoid pointing out any negatives for at least one week. Avoid interrupting people. This may be more challenging for powerful personalities, and women may find this especially difficult because the female brain processes facts and emotions at the same time. Compliment family members, friends and colleagues in front of others. Don't overdo it, keep it true and sincere. Soon you're developing a habit. Look for humor in any situation. Be quick to smile or laugh. A daily dose of humor, learning to laugh at ourselves, and laughing together lightens any load. Express thanks and appreciation to people in your environment, for his or her qualities and actions. Again, don't overdo it. Choose the right moment, speak softly, and look deeply into the persons eyes.

The Bible has a lot to say about the power of our words. Proverbs 12:18 says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Psalm 64:3 compares the wicked tongue to swords and words to deadly arrows. Negative words have an incredible power to tear down, but positive words can heal and restore.

Before You Speak, Ask yourself the following questions:
Does this really need to be said?
Does the other person want to hear it?
Does it build them up?
Is it wise?
Is it going to better me?
Is it going to better the other person?
Can it be said gently, kindly, and with love?
Does it give a blessing?

Lets make a decision of spreading positive words!

My wisdom tooth philosophy

2008-05-01T16:44:00.006+02:00

Yesterday I made a voluntarily visit to the dentist in order to have my left wisdom tooth pulled out. Two weeks ago I had to rush to the dentist as it was infected, and truly wanted to get out of my big mouth. Ok, so what is the big deal with me visiting my dentist? Let me make it clear that my dentist is happily married, so he is not the reason me visiting the dentist this often :)

My wisdom tooth has made me think about life in a new manner. I think sometimes we have wisdom teeth in our lives. They are stuck way back, and may not be visible, but it might start pushing its way forward, and hurting the other teeth, or becoming infected like in my case, so you end up having to go on antibiotics, like I did, and finally getting it pulled out. Let me tell you it was not the most pleasant experience, I had anesthetic, and did not even feel my ear or eyes, then the action started with pulling of my mouth in all sorts of direction in order to get the tooth out, pull forward, backward, up, down, oh my God, I wanted to scream, but turns out it is actually not very easy to scream when you have your mouth wide open, with all sorts of tools stuck in it. Finally it was out, and a feeling of relief caught me.

I believe sometimes in life we are carrying something that must be pulled out, it might even be infected, and if we do not pay attention to the infection it will spread itself to rest of our bodily functions. Often we need assistance in order to pull the infected tooth out, it hurts, believe me it does, but it has to be done. I believe often in life we are faced with situations that will hurt if we choose to make a change, but we know it has to be done, and “a visit to the dentist” has to be made in order to pull it out. The pain does not fade right away, I am now still in pain, and constantly on pain killers, but I know it will not last long, as the worse is now over, and I can get on with my life.

The teeth that must be pulled out in our lives can be a bad habit, a thought we are carrying, or maybe even a person that has or will have a negative effect in our lives. Get the tooth out!!

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

2008-03-06T20:27:00.004+01:00

Answer: Princess
Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine,driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky,followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles;treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicine.

This is put out by An Iranian,using Bill Gates's technology,and you're probably reading this on your computer,that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,transported by Indian lorry-drivers,repaired by Indonesians,unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,and trucked to you by Mexican immigrants.....

That, my friends, is Globalization!

sent by a friend, thank you Bita!

Stay Focused

2008-02-08T13:50:00.000+01:00

Often we need to focus on the smaller goals in life, the everyday goals in order to reach to the bigger goal, and finally reach to the place we initially were intended to end up with. Sometimes it can become hard, and we would like to jump few steps up to our final goal, but no one can win a race by cheating, and jumping ahead. Along the way we do meet obstacles (tell me about it:) But I think when we focus and keep our heads clear of all the negative input that obstacles can bring with itself, we will be shaped into the person that will finally handle the final goal.

Stay Focused!

The Afghan Heat

2008-01-30T14:02:00.000+01:00

I believe by now most people have heard about the ‘Kite Runner’, either watched the movie or read the book, or you might have been around someone like me who talks about Afghanistan quite a lot these days.

Just before Christmas I finished ‘The Kite Runner’, and found it to be one of the most beautifully written books I have ever read. It was touching, and it made me even more aware of the pain many of my Afghani friends have gone through. The book opened my eyes to the realities of war and people being torn apart, and how it truly affects the lives and destinies of individuals. The movie was amazing, especially the music; it was beautifully composed and performed (it has received an Oscar nomination for best music).

Last week I finished Khalid Hosseini’s second and most recent book 'A thousand Splendid Suns', which is about friendship between two women, unlike the Kite Runner which is about friendship between two boys. This book is about being a young girl in Afghanistan, being in love, getting married to someone who could be your grandad, it is about motherhood, about sacrifices that come with motherhood, either the ones you choose, or the ones that the society imposes on you. The book is about loss, about reunion, about grief, opression and the devestating history and society that all this takes part in.

Afghani people and the Afghan history and politics have always been of special interest to me. I have some very good Afghani friends who are some of the most beautiful people I have met, with pure hearts, greatful minds, but in the same time it is all full of pain, sorrow, grief and a sense of loss. I know a strong lady who used to be a teacher back in Afghanistan, she has gone through some of the most devestating events in life, and had to escape from her abusive husband, but she has been able to raise up six children all by herself. I know all her children, they are all successful and beautiful people, who in the mids of all they have been through keep their hopes strong. I admire them, I admire Afghanistan as a beautiful and cultural country, I admire Afghani people, Hazaris, Pashtos, Daris, it truly does not matter were they are from, or how their country has rated them in the society, what matters is that they are a nation that have gone through some of the most horrible and devestating events in their history, that has forced over 8 million Afghans to escape their country, and millions have lost their loved ones in all the killings. There are many aspects of current Afghanistan that should have been different, especially as we hear about the 23 year old journalist, Sayed Perwiz Kambakhsh, who is sentenced to death, and many more who do not get the same media attention. But I believe in spite of all that still has to change in Afghanistan, it is now a country with abit of hope, children who go to school, women who gradually are getting involved in the society, foreign help that actually reaches its destination. I believe in spite of the darkness that still rules the area, one can see gradual change, maybe A thousand splendid suns in the mids of darkness.

I would like to recite a Hafe’z ghazal that also is included in ‘Thousand splendid suns’;

Joseph shall return to Canaan, grieve not,
Hovels shall turn to rose gardens, grieve not.
If a flood should arrive, to drown all that’s alive,
Noah is your guide in the typhoon’s eye, grieve not!

Christmas with MY Family!

2008-01-07T01:52:00.000+01:00

Christmas is over and now we have all started a new year with probably several new year resolutions, which we most likely already have broken. Every year I spend Christmas eve with my family, and think it is a time to be spent with those that you love the most.

This is what we do on Christmas eve, 24th December, as that is the day which everyone celebrates in Scandinavia. For breakfast mum makes rise porridge, and the tradition is to put a almond in it, and it is a competition of who ever finds the almond will get a prize. This year one of our guests won, but she kept it secret, untill we all were sick of eating too much porridge.

In the afternoon we go to our local church, and that is a great time to see old friends, as everyone has come to spend Christmas with their relatives in town. This year our Senior Pastor asked me to read the Christmas message in Norwegian. After singing songs and chatting with friends, we go home, and prepare for dinner. Our tradition is to have turkey for Christmas eve dinner. Therafter while having desert, we start opening the presents. When I was younger this used to be my favourite part of Christmas eve, but as time goes I just enjoy the time we spend together. So here comes my favourite part of the evening. When we were all sitting together each one of us said something about the year that passed (both good and bad) and what our expectations and goals are for the new year. Every single of us talked and then each one of us made a comment about the person who talked, about their year, and how we see their new year coming. This is my favourite part of Christmas eve, as this is what brings us together, and brings our goals and lives closer.

I am very greatful that God has granted me a family, no we are not perfect, and we are not trying to be perfect (actually that is what I said for 2008, that I have to learn not to expect perfectionism from myself), and I dont think we need to be perfect in order to love and accept each other just the way we have been created. I love Christmas, not just because of the Christmas songs, the gifts, the parties, good food, they are all good, but I love it, because that is an other time for me and my family to get together and say we love each other!

Ardebil - Tabriz

2007-12-16T22:45:00.001+01:00

Few weeks ago when I was doing my christmas shopping in Knitsbridge, London, I came across an elderly couple, who made me think about certain perceptions we hold about people who are from different parts of our country. I was waiting for the bus to go to an other part of the vast and busy city full of people doing their christmas shopping. The elderly couple were talking while waiting for the same bus as me. I could hear their language was very familiar, but as I did not hear much in the middle of the busy trafick, I decided I will just ask them were they are from. I did, and the elderly lady (she was in her late 60s) answered with her VERY strong accent; ‘We are Persian’. I asked if they were talking Azary, as I knew it was not Persian I overheard. Now her husband became interested in this girl who was just asking too many questions. They asked if I knew Azary, and suddenly I found myself talking Azary to this elderly couple at the busstop. But this does not end here, because it was not just important that I was Persian, or even Azary, but actually which city I was from. Ardebil was my response with a proud voice, and their response to this information stroke me. They were from Tabriz, and VERY proud of being from Tabriz, although having lived in London for the past 30 years. 'So we are more classy than you', he said. I could not believe what I was hearing.

I was later asked how long I have been in England, and then I told them I grew up in Norway, and basically moved to Norway as a child. 'Oh, so you are ok then, you have become classy living in Norway for so long', the gentelman said. I was shocked to hear these comments, and how this couple thought of themselves as superior because they were from Tabriz, and they allowed themselves to think less of others. These thought occupied my mind during that day and the days that followed.

Even in the 21st century we come across people who think of class, who can not see beyond their world, and who can not see what is the bridge between us, but rather what makes us different. What made me even more angry was how they saw me as higher class when I said I was from Norway. Why do we judge people according to where they are from, which part of the world, the country or the city they are from? Why do we think people are better or worse according to where they grew up, or their family where from. I wish we could stop being so short sighted, and not judge others according to weather they are from Tabriz, Ardebil, Norway, Iran, UK or anywere in this world. I wish we could see the depth of people, and not put anyone in a box.

Real Success

2007-11-26T12:54:00.000+01:00

Lately I have been thinking what Real Success truly is, and how we can experience it in our everyday lives. We all know how this concept is defined in our world; Your material goods (such as your house,cars,possessions),being married, having children,travelling,having a good education, and a well paid job. Last week I was talking to a friend of mine, who has got all that, but he was not happy. In few years he has managed to build a life that many would envy, I remember when he got married, they were both so in love, and that is all they wanted to do, and they have children together, but the truth is none of them are happy, and he does not feel successful in life. I was wondering, what can really make a person successful, are we just looking for success and fulfilment in the wrong places? I think I have often looked for success in the wrong things,places,and people. I suppose we all go through life searching for success,I just don't want to waste my life searching for success in the wrong places,which I think majority of people do,because we have not realised what REAL SUCCESS truly is!!!

A new Path

2007-11-21T11:35:00.000+01:00

Stepping
onto a brand-new path
is difficult,

but not more difficult
than remaining
in a situation
which is not nurturing
to THE WHOLE WOMAN.

By Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou is Poet, Author, Entertainer, Mother, Sister, Friend, and a Role Model for generations. She is a universal voice of hope and inspiration, with compassion that breaks through to the hearts of nations, inspiring us to love life, and to persevere through its challenges, and to share our gifts with others.

Maya Angelou has and will remain a true inspiration in my life, I appriciate her work, her courage, her wisdom, and all that I have learned from her.

LIFE INSTRUCTIONS

2007-11-06T11:29:00.000+01:00

Halloween in Iran

2007-11-03T20:37:00.000+01:00

Few days ago as everyone was in the mood of halloween, I was watching an Iranian channel, discussing the event that started as an American tradition, but which has now spread itself across the nations. Someone had sent in an e-mail to the program, which was read to the world.

The e-mail went something like this:
In America you have Halloween ones a year, and that is the only day you can put custumes on and scare people, but in Iran, we have Halloween 365 days a year. Every day of the year we watch people dressed up to scare us, so wellcome to Iran as we celebrate Halloween all year around.

Trick or Treat then??

The Zahir – a book about Obsession

2007-11-01T16:42:00.000+01:00

Just finished an other book by Paulo Coelho, this time I have been reading ‘The Zahir’ – a novel that talks about OBSESSION!
The central message in the book is that the unexpected happens in life, and often we are not prepared for it. When everything in life appears to be organised, that is the danger-point. We could always ask ourselves; ‘is my life organised as I like to believe it is?’

In Arabic ‘zahir’ means ‘visible’, ‘present’, and ‘inacaple of going unnoticed’. It can either refer to a person or an object, and that object or person gradually takes over our thoughts. It ultimatelly becomes an unhealthy obsession. Instead of taking new steps in life, we become OBSESSED by matters of the past.

The unnamed narrator of this story is a wildly successful novelist and celebrity who lives in Paris with his wife Esther, a war correspondent. The book eventually relocates to Kazakhstan. Their marriage has hit a dry spot and she is restless, wanting to move on in search of her own happiness. When Esther disappears, he is tormented and traumatized by the mystery of what has happened to her. Gradually he realises that her disappearance is a sort of message, a challenge to him to rethink his emotions. She becomes the 'Zahir' of the title, a blinding obsession. The narrator's struggle is that of a man as trying to come to terms with something he cannot understand or control: the mystery of Esther's absence. It is very hard for him to let go of his feeling that she is the only one who fills his life with meaning.

I always enjoy highlighting pieces that make me reflect about life and humanity, here I am sharing 10 of them with you.

1.“When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive”
2.“People always believe what they want to believe”
3.“It is not life that matters, but the journey”
4.“Blessed are those who are not afraid to admit that they don’t know something”
5.“History will only change when we are able to use the energy of love, just as we use the energy of the wind, the seas, the atom.”
6.“There are two kinds of world: the one we dream about and the real one.”
7.“We all harbour a great sadness in our soul”
8.Do you know what gives a woman most pleasure within marriage? ‘Sex’? ..No, making food. Watching her man eat.
9.“Our human condition makes us tend to share only the best of ourselves, because we are always searching for love and approval.”
10.“We pretend to be strong because we are weak.”

You cannot recover.....

2007-10-31T01:21:00.000+01:00

Dalai Lama received Gold Medal in Washington DC "My religion is kindness"

2007-10-23T19:34:00.000+02:00

Last week I was listening to His Royal Highness Dalai Lama speaking in Washington after receiving the Congressional Gold Medal, which is the highest civilian honor. The Congress, with the Democrats in majority, decided to award the 72 year old Tibetan spiritual leader, who represents Peace and Harmony. In 1989 Dalai Lama was awarded the Nobel Peace prise by the Norwegian Nobel committee, the chairman said this was "in part a tribute to the memory of Mahatma Gandhi."

President Bush who handed the gold medal made it clear in his speach that this is a medal for religious freedom. China expressed its opposition to Congress's decision to honor the Dalai Lama. The medal's past recipients include Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela and Mother Teresa.

Basically we are all the same human beings with the same potential to be a good human being or a bad human being .The important thing is to realize the positive side and try to increase that; realize the negative side and try to reduce.

Few years ago I read the International Bestseller ‘The Art of Happiness’, by HH Dalai Lama. Back then his writings and his personality captured me. Tenzin Gyatso (born 6 July 1935) is the 14th and current Dalai Lama. In 1950, at the age of 15, he was enthroned as Tibet's Head of State and most important political ruler while Tibet faced occupation by China. After the collapse of the Tibetan resistance movement in 1959 and the Chinese invasion in Tibet, Tenzin Gyatso fled to India.

I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life.

Although I am not Buddhist, but there are some great lessons I have gained through Dalai Lamas life. I value his world view and his courage to fight for something he believes in. I believe we can all learn beautiful things from each other, we just need to be open to learning and respecting each other!

Compassion is not religious business, it is human business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival.

My grandad – ‘a man of good wish’

2007-10-19T21:24:00.000+02:00

Yesterday my grandad shut his eyes to this world, after walking the journey of life for 87 years. He was suffering with cancer for the past year, and was under constant treatment. My family are originally all from the city of Ardebil in Iran, but many have mooved both abroad and around within Iran. In 1986 my grandparents moved to Tehran (Varamin) and remained there untill two months ago. Grandad’s condition was just becoming worse, and he must have realised this is the last year of his life on this earth. They decided to move back to were they were born, and had all their youth memories from. As soon as they moved back to Ardebil his condition became much better, and he was filled with positive energy.

He was able to spend the last 2 months in his home soil, and then God wanted him to enter the gate of heaven. Yesterday he had his last breath in his own hometown.

Since hearing about this the phone has not stopped ringing in our house. Although somehow dad was expecting this to happen anytime soon, but it is hard loosing ones father. Dad remembers back to his memories from Iran, to his childhood, when grandad worked hard day and night to support 10 children, he remembers back to the days when they were visiting us in Norway and all the laughter that grandad brought to our lives.

What I remember of my grandad is that he always used to pray and wish blessings over his children and granchildren. He always made this prayer: ‘I pray that God may bless your home, your family, your children and your life’. When ever we spoke on the phone he used to send his kisses over the phone, and ask how many kisses we wanted. What all of us will always recall of my grandad was his kindness towards everyone. I know he is now in a good place, what is important is that he lived a good life, and is remembered as a good and noble person.

Blaming Others

2007-10-17T12:24:00.000+02:00

Last week as I was flying to a European city something happened that has made me think about the nature of humanity. I put my jacket in the overlock locker, but there was no room for my hand luggage, so I put that in an other locker. When we landed and everyone got ready to walk out of the airplane, I reached to get my jacket, as I touched it, it was all wet. My jacket was covered with alcohol. I touched the surface of the locker, and saw two bottles of alcohol that had broken and wet everything.

The alcohol bottles belonged to a couple, who were not very happy with their loss, especially the lady. I made my way out and made a report to the air stewardess, but forgot my hand luggage inside, so I went in again to get it. The couple that had lost their ‘valuable’ alcohol bottles were talking to the same stewardess. When I came out, the lady screamed at me, saying it was my fault that their bottles had broken, because I had put my hand luggage on the bottles. I tried explaining that my hand luggage was not even in the same locker, and even if it was, something like this should not happen at all, and it is neither my fault or your fault. She would not believe me, and absolutelly wanted to put the blame on someone, and I was the one who was available there and then. I did not want to discuss with her, because she was just angry for two bottles that had broken and ruined my jacket, and now she was blaming me. As I made my way out, I was thinking how human beings always wants to blame others, and hence put the responsibility on other people.

The first incident of blame in the history of humanity is reported as Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden tree, and God asked them why they did that. Adam said Eve had made him do it, and Eve said the snake had made her eat it. Since the beginning of humanity we always have wanted to blame others for things that goes wrong in our lives.

I hope that lady got over the alcohol incident, but I have to give in my jacket for dry cleaning, as I dont want to go around smelling alcohol all day long.

Finding yourself

2007-10-09T20:46:00.001+02:00

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates

From my friend Ailar's site,who is a talented photographer!

Sissel Kyrkjebo - my favourite Norwegian artist

2007-10-06T01:15:00.001+02:00

Today I would like to share one of the most beautiful voices that I have come across in my life. Sissel Kyrkjebo is Norwegian, she has been my favourite Norwegian artist since my childhood. I remember when I was 13/14 my mum took me to her concert,I was in the front, just admiring this heavenly voice. Each one of her albums has had something beautiful to offer my spirit. She is my background music when I am in my office doing work or reading.

Prime Minister of Australia John Howard speaks to Muslims

2007-09-27T21:13:00.000+02:00

The latest from Australia (one of my favourite countries)

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia : one the Australian law and another Islamic law that is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices it, perhaps, then, that's a better option", Treasurer Peter Costello said.

Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: "IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians."

"However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the 'politically correct' crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia " "However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand." "This idea of Australia being a multi-cultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. And as Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle."

"This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom"

"We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!"

"Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture."

"We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us."

"This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,

'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'."

"If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted."

The will to win

2007-09-26T16:44:00.000+02:00

It is not the will to win that's important. It's the will to prepare to win that really separates those who wish and dream from those who make it happen.

Dick Tomey (in Making Documentary Films and Reality Videos)

The Story Of Your Life

2007-09-25T02:01:00.000+02:00

Don’t say you’re not important,It simply isn’t true. The fact that you were born, is proof, God has a plan for you.The path may seem unclear right now,but one day you will see that all that came before,was truly meant to be.

God wrote the book that is your life. That’s all you need to know. Each day that you are living, was written long ago.God only writes best sellers,so be proud of who you are,Your character is important. In this book you are the Star.

Enjoy the novel as it reads,It will stand throughout the ages,Savor each chapter as you go.Taking time to turn the pages!

My lifetime gym Friend

2007-09-18T01:44:00.000+02:00

It is winter 2005, I am back in the UK after Christmas spent with family in Norway. I feel my body is shouting out for the gym. So I hit the gym, with my book (the Da Vinci Code) in order to read while burning my Christmas calories on the treadmill. While I was trying to do my own thing, and to read my book, my attention was caught by a couple who spoke Farsi. First I was not sure weather they were speaking Farsi or not, so I stopped reading in order to concentrate, and they were speaking Farsi indeed. They were arguing about how to use the tredmill. I was watching them and smiling, but they could not see me, as they were so caught up in their own world. Suddenly they decided their time was done at the gym for that day, so they went out. I thought to myself, I like to get to know these people, but I have never seen them around, so I packed my stuff quickly and ran out after them.

They were talking to an other iranian student just outside the gym. I said hi, and introduced myself, or actually what I did was more like this; ‘Are you iranian’, ofcourse they are Iranian, but that is the way you can start a conversation. They were as excited as me for this introduction. We exchanged numbers, I wrote hers in my book. I was so excited and had such good feeling about them when I got back home.

Few days later, while shopping grocery I got a call, and it was the girl I had met on campus. She was talking like if she had known me for decades. I loved her, she gave me positive energy. That was the start of a beautiful friendship with my friend Sara. I am so glad I ran out of the gym that day, I am so glad I introduced myself, I am so glad Sara called me, and I am so glad we became friends, and I am glad I know this friendship will last many more years.

So Next time you see someone you would like to become friends with, do not hesitate to introduce yourself, you never know what a simple introduction can do in your life.

Wisdom Problem.........

2007-09-11T09:05:00.000+02:00

Mother Teresa – a woman of Love and Dedication

2007-09-07T10:03:00.000+02:00

Mother Teresa, a saint and mother to millions of people. One of my first projects in primary school was about one of the most humble, dedicated, and loving women who walked the journey of life. She lived a simple life, dedicated to serve others and to love.

It is 1997, 10 years ago, a week after the death of Diana, an other of my role models shut her eyes to this world. She had fulfilled her mission. I was 16 at that time, and within a week I felt the world had lost two of the most precious people walking on the face of the earth. Why they both died within a week apart, I do not know, but what I know is that I will always keep them close to my heart and keep on passing their legacy to the future generation. I believe we all are able to pass on the beautiful spirits that were granted us, it is not a matter of being born extra special, we are all special and should act upon this fact. I believe Mother Teresa and Diana realised this matter, and started acting accordingly.

‘Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.’ Mother Teresa

Learning from those older and wiser

2007-09-03T18:51:00.000+02:00

I have a very good friend who turned 68 on Friday. You might think; ‘elham, how old are you, and why do you encounter OLD people’. Since Friday I have actually been thinking about why I encounter old people, and why I enjoy their company as much as I enjoy the company of people more my age.

I like to make it clear for everyone that I am absolutely not talking about all elderly, I am only talking about those that I encounter and those that I have learned and still learn valuable lessons from.

You know what is wrong with us young people; our EGO is just too big, we think we know it all, but deep down in our hearts we are scared and do not want to admit that we fear so many things in life. And we rather not share it with others, as they might find out about our deepest secrets! I think this Ego is not allowing us to learn from those that have walked before us. We might think they are not part of this society, they are not up to date with the current development, yes you are right, they might not be, but I believe the issues human being is dealing with today is the same as what our forefathers were dealing with 100 and 1000 years ago. If you focus on the issues of the world, it is mostly issues within various relationships we have that is causing insecurities, fears, and needs. The same underlying problems exist as much today as they did back then. So let’s calm down, and step down a bit from that huge Ego we all carry with us!

I think every human being should have a wise old friend, and should counsel that person especially during important decisions in life. In Farsi we have a very good saying: ‘the old have ripped few more shirts than us’. I absolutely believe in this, as I truly think we can learn from those that have walked the journey of life much more than us. What is important to me, is not getting counsel from all sorts of old people, some older people have grown bitter as they have traveled on the journey of life, I like to encounter those who are successful in their relationships, who have learned through various experiences of life.

So this friend of mine who turned 68 on Friday, I value his wisdom, I value the journey he has traveled, with his wife, children and grandchildren. His hair is all grey, and yes I believe there is a true reason for every grey hair on his head. The counsel of the wise will make you wise (Salomon in Proverbs).

At the end I like to say what I think true wisdom is, I don’t think wisdom is about how fat their bank account is, or how many degrees they have, or what their social position is, I believe wisdom is about how deeply they view life, and how they have been able to become so successful in their relationships. Anyone can earn money nowadays, anyone can get to great positions,that is all possible, but I do not think all people holding great positions are necessarily wise. Throughout my upbringing my dad always used to tell me this: ‘Tell me who your friends are, and I tell you who you are’. Tell me who you receive life advice from, and I will tell you how your life will be!!

The Princess who dared to be herself!

2007-09-01T20:59:00.000+02:00

Its is 31st August 1997, a car is driving with high speed in the streets and tunnels of Paris, the city were it all ended for a woman who dared to be herself. It is Princess Diana. She died exactly 10 years ago in a car crash in the city of Love. A whole world was in shock.

I recall back to that day; My mother loved Diana, she would read everything about her, and her life facinated us all. All the news channels were talking about ‘The Rose of England’. I remember crying as they were showing clips of her life. I adored her. She made a specially impact on me during her visit to the land mines in Angola. To me she was a true symbol of a courageous woman.

There are many aspects of her life I could talk about, but one which I value the most is her ability and courage to being herself and following her dreams. Although she was a popular public figure and her steps were constantly under scrutiny, but she dared to step out of that royal ‘comfort zone’ and started exploring who she was, and how she could influence the world through her own qualities.

Sometimes we can become so attached to our background, that we receive all our self worth and identity from that, not knowing there is a hidden world in each one of us, trying to push its way out of that comfort shell.

Elton John sang: “Goodbye Englands Rose....” , I do not think we can ever say Goodbye to anyone who dared to find their authentic self, and who dared living their authentic life, we should never say Goodbye to these people, as they are rare, and they are the ones that keep the beautiful spirit of human being alive. Diana was and is still Englands Rose, a rose of inspiration, a rose with a maginificiant fragrance, a rose that still encourages me to be myself, and follow my dreams.

“It’s not how good you are, It’s how good you want to be”

2007-08-31T01:46:00.000+02:00

Do you remember back to school when other pupils in class would prevent you from seeing their answers by placing their arm around their book. It is the same concept when we enter the world of adult, either be it work, or various organizations we are involved in. People are secretive with ideas, ‘Don’t tell them that, they’ll take the credit for it.’ The problem with this is that you end up living off your reserves. I believe the more you give away the more comes back to you, so my decision in life is to share with you what ever good I come across, and if you like to share yours feel free to do so, as we need to create a world of sharing good gifts and deeds.

So here you go, an other book I finished today which taught me several valuable lessons, and which I like to share with you!

Give away everything you know, and more will come back to you.

The Story of the Pencil

2007-08-29T18:41:00.000+02:00

Currently I am reading ’Like the Flowing River’ by Paulo Coelho, which is highly recommended. I have already red all his previous books, liked some more than others. On some other occasion I will talk more about each book, and how it affected me as a person. I like to share this particular passage with you, as it has occupied my mind for the past few days.

If you have a pencil in front of you take it up and follow me with the pencil in your hand, you will have a better understanding of the story. A Pencil has got five qualities, if you manage to hang on to all the five, it will make you a person who will be at peace with the world.

1. First Quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.
2. Secong Quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you too must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

3. Third Quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.
4. Forth Quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.
5. Fifth Quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action.

Now start writing with the pencil in your hand!

Always Remember God gives you...

2007-08-25T17:43:00.000+02:00

Enough Happiness to keep you Sweet

Enough Trials to keep you Strong

Enough Sorrows to keep you Human

Enough Hope to keep you Happy

Enough Failure to keep you Humble

Enough Success to keep you Eager

Enough Friends to give you Comfort

Enough Wealth to meet your Needs

Enough Enthusiasm to make you look forward

Enough Faith to banish depression, and

Enough Determination to make each day a better day than
the last

Life must be lived forward but can only be understood
backwards.

A closed door – a blessing to the soul

2007-08-20T17:07:00.000+02:00

We need to learn to thank the Lord for closed doors just as much as we
do for open doors. The reason God closes doors is because He has not
prepared anything over there for us.If he didn't close the wrong door we would never find our way to the right door. Even when we don't realize it, God directs our paths through
the closing and opening of doors. When one door closes, it forces us to
change our course. Another door closes; it forces us to change our
course yet again. Then finally, we find the open door and walk right
into our blessing.

But instead of praising God for the closed door (which
kept us out of trouble), we get upset because we "judge by the
appearances." And in our own ignorance, we insist that
we know what is right.

We have a very present help in the time of need who is
always standing guard. Because God walks ahead of us, He can see trouble
down the road and HE sets up road blocks and detours accordingly. But
through our lack of wisdom we try to tear down the roadblocks or push
aside the detour signs. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start
crying "Lord how could this happen to me?" We have got to realize that
the closed door was a blessing.
Didn't God say that "No good thing will
He withhold from them that love Him?" Psalm 37:23.

Do you remain the same person?

2007-08-11T01:15:00.000+02:00

This is a follow up to the previous blog I wrote about ‘Who are You?’. One vital aspect of the question ‘Who are you?’, is if we remain the same person throughout our whole life. You might think you do, I might think I do, but the reality is that we change as time passess, as we encounter different life experiences, and as we meet new people in our lives, who put their footprints in us. All these factors bring along changes, changes that happen so slowly without our councious realisation of them. Due to this we might not even realise that we are under constant change, which surely makes it difficult to answer ‘Who are you?’.

The great Philosopher John Locke suggested this answer to what a person is: ‘what person stands for...a thinking, intelligent being that has reason and reflection and can consider itself as itself, the same thinking thing in different times and places.’

It has been knows for quite a while that replacement occurs within the human body. For example, our gut lining is replaced every five daysø the skinæs outer layer every two weeks, red blood cells every 120 days, bones every ten years, and muscles between the ribs every 15 years. What only remains the same is the brain, it is as old as we are, unless that changes too due to injury or disease. So our bodies changes, and so does our behaviour and thoughts as life passess, so now try answering the questions that was raised in my previous blog, Who are you?

Who are YOU?

2007-07-04T01:29:00.000+02:00

On Saturday I was talking to a group of girls on the subject of Identity and Self Esteem.
The first question we opened up with was; What is identity? and who are you?
This is the question that philosophers and religious leaders have trid addressing for decades. And interestingly enough the question is still relevant, we are still occupied with who we are, and what makes us into who we become.

What I like to do this time, is to get you answering this question before I write an article on this. So Who are you? and What is Identity?

I look forward hearing your views!!!

What is beauty??

2007-06-24T23:51:00.000+02:00

Today I was asked to speak for a congragetion. I decided to speak about beauty, which I like to share parts of it with you.

What do you think of as beautiful? What is beauty?
When we go to bookstores and shops we see shelfs covered with magazines with very beautiful people, homes, food and all the great things that the world has got to offer us. The world concentrates mostly on aspects of the beauty that is visible, but much less on things that are not so eyecatching.

This is extracted from the Bible, Second Chorintians chapter 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

I remember back to 1996, when I attended a conference in Sweden, an English gentleman said something that has had an affect on me till this day. He was

talking about WISDOM, and kept on telling the participants to read the book of Proverbs. And I did. The more I read the book, which is full of wisdom and life guidance, the more I realise how much more I have missed out on what beauty is.

I too love the beautiful things of the world, dont get me wrong, but I try concentrating and dwelling on the deeper aspects of life, that has got to do with my inner soul, things that make my soul, mind and heart beautiful.

Caring on a rainy day!

2007-05-31T16:02:00.000+02:00

Today I read this amazing story, that was e-mailed to me by my dear friend Debbie Shayesteh in Sydney Australia. I thought I would share this with you.

Once a week, the Pastor and his eleven-year-old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts. This particular afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain. The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said "OK Dad, I'm ready."

His Pastor dad asked, "Ready for what?" "Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out."

Dad responds, "Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain." The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking "But Dad, aren't people still going to Hell, even though it's raining?" Dad answers, "Son, I am not going out in this weather."

Despondently, the boy ask, "Dad, can I go? Please?" His father hesitated for a moment then said, "Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful son."

"Thanks Dad!" And with that, he was off and out into the rain. This eleven-year-old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract. After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his
VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted.

Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the doorbell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer. Finally, this eleven-year-old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist.

He waited, something holding him there on the front porch. He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, "What can I do for you son?" With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said: "Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE." With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave She called to him as he departed.

"Thank you, son! And God Bless You!"

Well, the following week in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, " Does anybody have testimony or want to say anything?" Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet.

As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, "No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck.

Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. I thought, "I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away." I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, "Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me." I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder. When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life.

His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, to leap to life as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, "Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU." Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand. As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more. You see I am now a Happy Child of the KING. Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract; I have come here to personally say THANK YOU to God's little angel who came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from eternity in hell."

There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

It is amazing how one action of love can change someone elses life for ever.

Cogito Ergo Sum? THE MIND- BODY CONNECTION

2007-05-30T16:48:00.000+02:00

A healthy mind is something many want. Life is not supposed to hurt- at least, not all of the time. It is meant to be a positive, meaningful experience despite difficulties that come along. Our perceptions, thoughts, and anxieties of these experiences affect our well-being.

The great philosophical distinction between mind and body can be traced to the philosopher, and physiologist, Rene Descartes.
The mind was conceived as pure thought and not related to the body (The dualist view). However, monism, does not distinguish the activities of mind and body, but sees them as a whole working unit. George Berkeley proposed there is no mind/body distinction because what we think of as body is merely the perception of mind.

Research has confirmed the existence of systematic links between psychological factors such as anxiety, stress, depression and hostility, and a wide range of
physical disorders including minor infections, gut disorders, herpes, allergies, asthma, arthritis, coronary heart disease and cancer.

Extracted from my BSc Theses!

Career Counselling and Career Development

2007-05-26T09:59:00.000+02:00

Organizations are facing competition, people change careers, and new methods have emerged in developing employees careers. Majority of us need help in developing and reaching our aims, and hence often the organizational aims. Counselling, coaching and mentoring schemes are few of the most popular interventions.

Counselling
Counselling is – where an individual is helped by a process of questioning and listening to understand their real role in an organization. Careers counselling is no longer thought of as a one-to-one process that people only need when they have a ‘career problem’. Traditional counselling is carried out when something is wrong, and needs repair. However, appreciative inquiry focuses rather on what might be wrong and would need repair.

Coaching
Coaching shares some similarities with counselling, however, there are a number of fundamental differences. Often a goal will emerge during counselling. Coaching does not begin until a goal has been identified. A coach does not offer a solution for the client. Coaches believe that clients possess all the necessary resources to do, be and have anything they want in life. A coach’s job is enabling the client to uncover all their hidden abilities and motivations so they are empowered to take positive actions towards achieving their goals.

A great interest is evolving in the area of coaching. Business coaching is about guiding businesses and business owners to make decisions that will improve bottom-lines, profitability and turnover, staff motivation, work/life balance and team-building.

There does not have to be anything wrong with you to be coached. A basic principle of coaching is that it takes into account individual agendas without imposing predetermined solutions. Coaching and counselling qualities are often the same, such as; listening, questioning, focus on future opportunities, trust and empathy. It creates the motivation to put ideas into action and provides a natural review process.

Mentoring
Managers are nowdays required to provide highly structured feedback, specifying career goals, communicating organizational expectations and helping the individual in establishing contacts in order to develop.

A mentor is an experienced person who will guide and teach someone in a specific task or job. The mentor will draw on their own experience, pass on short cuts and tricks of the trade to guide their student to a specified result.

How to be a good listener???

2007-05-23T02:41:00.000+02:00

Conversation is meant to be an exchange, but most of us focus far more on what we say, rather than what’s being said. Great listeners know how to make others feel appreciated, interesting and special-these are rare and powerful gifts. It’s easy to make communication more meaningful, and you’ll hardly have to say a word.

Focus on Understanding
Your intention might be to listen, but are you really worrying about what you’re going to say next? Most of us practise ‘selective listening’ ,world famous author and life coach Stephen Covey- we only pick up on the cues that give us a conversational entry point. Instead, concentrate on understanding what the other person is trying to convey, rather than how you’re going to answer.

Be comfortable with silence
Most of us Iranians find silence in conversations uncomfortable, and try to cover up an awkward pause with pointless chatter (or we put the Television on, and we all focus on something silly on TV). Let the speaker know they have the time and space to say what’s on their mind. Nod and maintain eye contact to show encouragement rather than interpreting a pause as a cue to take over the conversation.

Use the right cues
Using certain affirmative phrases will let the speaker know you’ve heard them, that you’ve engaged with what they’ve said and encourage them to keep talking. Paraphrasing what they’ve said (‘so, what you’re telling me is…’or,’do you mean that…’) helps the other person to clarify their thoughts and shows them that you have internalised their words.

Don’t compare
Finding common ground is important when we’re trying to connect with someone, but resist the urge to counter everything you’re told with an anecdote from your own life. ‘people will think you want to talk about yourself (which you might), rather than realising that their situation is different, and personal to them.’

This subject is such a vast area and I think we all have something to learn as we are taking steps in this journey of life. Please do feel free to share your thoughts on this matter!!!

17 May – Norwegian National Day and My Birthday!!!

2007-05-17T00:56:00.000+02:00

17 May is the official national day in Norway, all shops and offices are closed throughout the whole country. Everyone will get out from morning marching in the streets with their class, or groups they are part of. This is the only day during the year we see the whole royal family coming out on their balcony waving. People will wave the Norwegian flag, and congratulate each other. It is the Constitution Day, which was founded first in 1814. I have never seen any country united together in celebrating the national day as it is done in Norway.

Not only is it the Birth of a Nation, but it also is my birthday. Due to this, everyone always remembers my birthday, so I would always receive a lot of wishes as walking down in our town.

This big day is not only celebrated in Norway, but my all Norwegians living abroad. London Parks will be filled with all dressed up Norwegians who wave the Norwegian flag. Norwegian societies will have events during the whole day with typical Norwegian food (I love these events, it connects me back to Norway again).

During growing up the tradition was to meet up in school in the morning and get ready for the march with our national clothes (I would wear my Iranian national dress), and this would last till noon. Then we would get changed into our sport outfit and meet up for an other march during afternoon with our team. As walking down the streets we would throw the ball to each other and shout out our teams name. It was always a competition while growing up of who would eat most ice cream during the day. In 6th grade we would have a football match between the schools, the whole town would meet up to watch this important game.

Life Journey of my Sister Arezo - HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2007-05-15T09:46:00.000+02:00

Today is my SISTER, AREZOs BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AREZO!! Tomorrow she is completing her Bachelors degree in Anthropology. Here I will give you a historical overview of her life and the events that made her into the AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL person she is today.

Age 1 – 3: Arezo in Iran. Arezo was a little sweet girl that was loved by the whole family. In the kinder garden she was characterised as the most rebellious and naughty child among all the children, while Navid (our brother) was the most quiet child in the same kinder garden.

Age 4 – 6: Arezo entering Norwegian territory. This is Arezo during her pre-school years. As she enters this new Norwegian territory, she makes sure she is known and respected. She becomes a leader among the children. All children and her teachers loved her. During these years she starts building up friendships that has lasted till this day. Almost every day she would come home with a cut on her knee or elbow due to fights. During this time we all started calling her the lawyer. She would defend those that could not speak up for their own rights. I remember I ones cut Arezo’s hair putting a bowl on her head and cutting around the bowl, she cried for days.

Age 7 – 12: Elementary school years. Here she was chosen as the class representative. She was in school boards. She would host meetings and celebrations. During these years Arezo’s best friend was Navid, they would go to school together and they spent a lot of time together playing games (I was the grown up). It was during this time Arezo started playing the handball, and she was one of the greatest players. She had an important position in the team, and would do tournaments around in various cities (I have to say I played too, but Arezo always reminds me of me being an awful player). I cant remember exactly when it was, but I believe it was around this time in Arezos life that something devastating happened that left a scar in her life; One day I came home from school, being very hungry I could eat a whole cow. Mum had left chicken and rise for us all. Since I was very hungry, I could not satisfy my stomach with my share of the food, so I ate Arezos share of the chicken too. Navid had already had his food. I thought when Arezo comes she can have a can of tuna with her rise, she will never know we had chicken. Arezo comes home, being very intelligent as she is, she very soon found out we had chicken and that I had eaten it all. She cried and argued with me for days and told the whole world about this life changing incident. So now every time we have chicken we recall back to that day that Arezo still bears scars from.

Age 13 – 15: Secondary school, Arezo has turned into this quiet person. She is in a stage of finding herself. During these years she would wear all black, which drew me crazy. She would not fix herself as a girl. And most of her friends were boys (mind you she had lots of friends). Again her best friend was Navid, they attended both school and Sunday school together. When Arezo was 14 I entered University, which took our relationship into a new stage. I was living in Oslo during that time, and during weekends Arezo would come and visit me. This is the time we became closer, and Arezo started finding her feminine side (because I would take her shopping in Majorstua – Majorstua is one of the most famous shopping streets in Oslo). She would call me several times in a day seeing how I am and what I have eaten (basically checking up on me). During my final year in College I went to a lot of parties, which Arezo did not like first she would tell me not to go because she would be alone at home not having anything to do, then when she would realise her request was out ruled, she would call me all night making sure I am well, when I am coming home, who is in the party etc. So basically I would spend my time in the parties talking to my sister on the phone. I think during this time in Arezos life history she realised how much she truly loves me. I moved to England when Arezo was 15. She had become a woman of her own right now, and wanted her sister to be there to share those moments with her.

Age 16 – 18: College years, Arezo is becoming a strong and confident women who leads others. During her college years Arezo was involved in school arrangements, concerts, theatres, elections, school boards and many other activities (mum and dad hardly saw her studying). She sat in boards with the head teachers, and was voicing other students concerns and desires. Arezo was loved by her teachers. She was funny, and would make them all laugh with her great humour that puts you at ease. During these years (actually since Arezo was 14) she started teaching children in Sunday school. They loved her too. She has got this special magnet of attracting children. In class she was a true teacher, and would get the children involved, she is also a strict teacher. Although we were living in different countries during this time, but our relationship drew closer.

Age 18 – 21: UK – a much loved University girl. Arezo never wanted to study at University level, I think she was forced into this by me but when she encountered this chapter in her life, she realised her abilities, skills and desires. Arezo has always wanted to defend people, to change the world, to reach out to the homeless and those poor. She has always said this since she was a little girl. She decided to do a degree in Anthropology, which I think is very much Arezo, and it encompasses what Arezo is about and what she stands for. She loves the cultures of the world, people of all nations (especially Africa), and she loves thinking critically.

Arezo - today aged 22:
Arezo has got a soul and a heart that attracts people to her. She has a genuine way of showing love. If she loves someone from the bottom of her heart she will show it through her actions. She will go the extra mile for her friends and family. In our family Arezo is the one possessing LOVE more than anyone of us. She shows love and care in the most marvellous ways. She has this ability of connecting us to each other through her care, intelligence and wisdom. Arezo is not only a girl that has got LOVE in her heart, but she has got wisdom. I don’t see her as my baby sister anymore, as often she become the older sister, and I turn to her for guidance and wisdom. Mum and Dad love her, and she takes great pleasure in knowing that currently she is the favourite child in our family Arezo is a girl who enjoys quality, be it in what she wears to who she is friends with. She desires and seeks quality in relationships she has. She can see aspects of people that I am not able to see, sometimes she can for see things, which is the spooky side of her. She is fun loving girl, who loves her family to bits, she would give her life for each one of us. If anyone of us are in pain she feels the pain in the deepest corners of her heart. She loves her friends, not only is she a friends to them, she can become their mum as well as their fashion guru.

Arezo has got dreams of helping those who are poor and afflicted. She has been given a heart full of love and care in order to do this amazing job. As she is entering a new chapter in her life I am excited to see what the future holds for her, the future is a mystery, but all I know at the moment is that she is a girl full of life, hope, love and great faith in God. What ever she does she will do it with love and care, and that is what makes her life journey such a beautiful journey.

I LOVE YOU AREZO!!!

Stress - The Immune System and their relations to UNFORGIVENESS!

2007-05-14T13:53:00.000+02:00

Data from the expanding area of psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) show that how people feel and how people appraise their living situations can affect their immune systems via white blood cells, which eliminate or incapacitate viruses, cancers, bacteria, and other microbes. So psychological factors do play a vital role in the immune system and general health, and the susceptibility to the common cold. People who feel unable to deal with life’s stresses display an exaggerated immune reaction that may intensify their sneezing, coughing, and other physical symptoms once they’ve contracted a common cold virus. Changing peoples’ perspectives on life and their resultant feelings, through psychological interventions, such as promoting forgiveness, can enhance immune system functioning.

Unforgiveness arouses often hostility, which releases stress hormones (Williams & Williams, 1993). These individuals experience less social support, which puts them at greater risk for both mental and physical problems. Berry & Worthington (2001) have conceptualized unforgiveness as a stress reaction to appraisals of interpersonal stressors that include transgressions, betrayals, offenses, and wrongs. Activity in the brain during unforgiveness is consistent with activity in brain structures involved in stress and other negative emotions. Hormonal patterns – notably glucocorticoid secretion – in unforgiveness is consistent with hormonal patterns from negative emotions associated with stress.

Forgiveness and Health

2007-05-08T13:54:00.000+02:00

The belief that forgiveness can improve physical health is found in religious writings and in the recommendations of some health professionals. Forgiveness can facilitate the repair of supportive close relationships and such relationships are known to protect against negative health outcomes. Marital conflict is associated with poorer health and with specific illnesses such as cancer, cardiac disease, and chronic pain (Schmaling & Cher 1997), and hostile behaviors during conflict relate to alterations in immunological (Kiecolt-Glaser et al.,1997), endocrine (Glaser 1994), and cardiovascular functioning.

Unforgiveness, which often occurs as a result of having been hurt, humiliated, angered, or having suffered fear or loss, feelings of guilt, or envy, can have profound affects on the way our body functions. Muscles tighten causing imbalances or pain in neck, back and limbs. Blood flow is decreased. Normal processes of repair and recovery from injury are impaired. Chronic pain may be worsened. Forgiveness is often one of the keys in restoring or maintaining health.

Unforgiveness can be conceptualized as a stress reaction. Forgiveness can be used as an emotion-focused coping strategy to reduce a stressful reaction to a transgression. Direct empirical research suggests that forgiveness is related to health outcomes and to mediating physiological responses to stress, thereby coping strategy. Indirect mechanisms might also affect the forgiveness-health relationship. Namely, forgiveness might affect health by working through social support, relationship quality, and religion.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

2007-05-06T02:10:00.000+02:00

During these few days I will be talking about the beautiful act of Forgiveness. I myself am learning as I am taking one step each day in the journey of life. Very few people can say they were able to forgive in an instant decision, for most of us it is a procedure, it is a journey, a journey of healing of souls and relationships. A beautiful journey. As I was writing my Bachelour Dissertation about 3 years ago, for a whole year I read almost everything that was published on 'Forgiveness'. I did my research on what the effects of forgiveness are, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.

The Dictionary defines Forgiveness as “to say that one no longer has the wish to punish somebody; for an offence, a sin; pardon or show mercy to somebody; no longer have hard feelings towards somebody”. Psychologically speaking, forgiveness involves several aspects – cognitive, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, psycho-physiological and social aspects (Worthington, 2003).

There is no consensus as to the definition of forgiveness. There is general agreement as to what forgiveness is not - ‘condoning’, ‘excusing’, ‘forgetting’ or ‘denying’ (Enright & Coyle, 1998). Enright and Fitzgibbons (2000) have championed a definition that emphasizes the interplay of cognition, emotion, and behavior. McCullough, Fincham and Tsang (2003) have emphasized reductions of motivations of revenge and avoidance over time and increase of conciliation. McCullough, Worthington, and Rachal (1997) state that the essence of forgiveness is a change in one’s motivation toward the offending person. All of the existing definitions seem to be build on one core feature: when people forgive, their responses toward people who have offended or injured them become more positive.

The severity of a transgression might influence the extent to which an individual forgives a transgression (McCullough, Rachal, Sandage, Worthington, Brown and Hight, 1998). Severe transgressions may be difficult to forbear because they can influence the recipient’s life more profoundly and pervasively and have enduring consequences than do minor transgressions.

The fact that someone appraises a situation as hurtful is constituted by a complex set of cognitive, affective, and volitional dispositions and states. Piaget stated that forgiveness implies a sense of ideal reciprocity, which can be expressed as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The understanding that one should forgive because you have been forgiven in the past and in order to be forgiven in the future- is a complex one; forgiveness cannot therefore be fully understood before late childhood. The motive a person has behind their decision of forgiveness and moral reasoning changes from childhood until adulthood.

Political Spin Doctors are the Greatest threat to Democracy

2007-03-28T18:41:00.000+02:00

(Extracts from my article!)

On Alastair Campbell’s resignation August 2003 the Mirror described the Labour Spin doctor and the brain behind their success, as ‘The Most Powerful Man in Britain’. The Sun acknowledged Campbell as ‘The King of Spin’.

In Europe, the long and drawn-out fight for ‘liberty of the press’ appeared first and most vigorously in Britain. Although the government still did control the media, but this friction did continue and still prevalent to this day, however in a much more clever way. Britain was the birthplace of the ‘freedom of the press’. John Stuart Mill’s ‘On Liberty’ complained that the utilitarian theory of the press freedom is symptomatic of an age which is ‘destitute of faith but terrified’ at scepticism. Utilitarianism reinforces the assumption that people are entitled to feel sure, not that their opinions are true, but that they could not live without them, and that these opinions have a self-evident utility. He offered three reasons why the guarantee of freely circulating opinion through the press is essential.

First, any opinion which is silenced by government or civil society because it is allegedly false may prove to be true, in the sense that it may conform to the facts and survive vigorous counter-arguments about those facts. Those who seek to censor potentially true opinion naturally deny its truth. But in so doing they make the unwarranted assumption that their certainty is equivalent to absolute certainty. To assume infallibility is to suppress potential truth. It is to decide the truth of an opinion for others, without allowing them to hear or digest counter-arguments.

Second, though an opinion turns out to be false, it often contains an ounce or two of truth. The prevailing opinion on any matter is rarely the whole truth. This means that it is only by confronting it with other, contrary opinions that the full truth can be attained. In public affairs, truth necessitates combining and reconciling opposites.

Mill argued, finally that even if an opinion is the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, it will soon degenerate into prejudice – into a ‘dead dogma, not a living truth’ – if it goes unchallenged. The fatal tendency of mankind to leave off thinking about a thing when it is no longer doubtful, is the cause of half their error. It is certain that many present opinions will be rejected by future ages, as it is that many, once general, are rejected by the present. Truth can also degenerate into prejudice if it is not exercised by counter-claims.

Mill doubted the comfortable dictum that in the end truth always wins out against persecution. History teems with examples of suppressed truth. Truth has no inherent power to prevail against the dungeon, the stake or the arrogant censor. Truth requires liberty of the press as its ally. No special laws or spin doctors should exist to hamper the freedom of newspapers, journals, books and pamphlets to print facts and advance opinions. Only a free press with no pressure can guarantee that there is an abundant supply of facts and arguments about the facts, thus cultivating the habit of questioning and correcting opinions and ensuring the victory of Truth over falsehood.

These trends in Western democracies are worrying. They indicate the growing quantity of political power which is normally unaccountable either to citizens or to the mass media, or not subject to the rule of law. Citizens are not aware if the state officials have for example been influenced by private interested parties. During the 1980s, the Thatcher governments sought to protect official secrecy and to path up a culture of prudent silence and mumbo-jumbo within public institutions by charging outspoken civil servants. Public opinion was manipulated through lies and misinformation, and sections of the press were encouraged to connive with the government’s own distortions. The government made a failed attempt to suppress Spycatchers, the memoirs of the former MI5 officer Peter Wright. There was a overt censorship of radio plays, news and documentaries on BBC and ITV: the Foreign Secretary sought to prevent a documentary exploring the SAS shooting of IRA members in Gibraltar in 1988.

‘A state is bound to be more dangerous if it is not governed openly by the people, but secretly by political forces that are not widely known or understood’
Andrei Sakharov, 1987

NOROOZ- Year of 2566 (1386)

2007-03-20T10:37:00.000+01:00

Happy New year to all Persians and all those celebrating Norooz around the world. I remember when I was living with my parents they made such an effort in order to teach us our Iranian tradition and customs. Mum made 'sabzi polo ba mahi' (rice with fish), which is the traditional food on the day of new year. She would put on 'haft sin', which is a table full of seven symbolic items beginning with 's', which all symbolise something related to health,prosperity,new beginning etc. My dad would get us brand new notes from the bank and give each one of us as the new year started. In Norway we would get at least a day off school in order to celebrate our New Year, which I valued. We would spend the day visiting friends and family and hope for some 'eydy', which is gift given in form of money.

Now that I have lived away from my parents since I was 18, I have not got to celebrate Norooz as I have wanted to. Last year was the only year I had the chance of being with my parents on the day, I flew in to Norway just few hours before the New Year. I think this is the day I would most want to be with my family and start a new year with those I love and appriciate. The good thing about being Iranian is that we get to start fresh twise a year, ones in January and ones in March. so if we have missed on our January new year resolution, we always have got the chance of starting in March. But today I am spending it with some good friends and hopefully getting some 'eydy':)

What is Norooz
In harmony with rebirth of nature, the Persian New Year Celebration, or Norooz, always begins on the first day of spring, March 20th of each year. Norooz ceremonies are symbolic representations of two ancient concepts - the End and Rebirth. About 3000 years ago Persian's major religion was Zoroastrianism, named in honor of its founder Zoroaster, and arguably the world's first monotheistic religion. Zoroastrians had a festival called "Farvardgan" which lasted ten days, and took place at the end of the solar year. It appears that this was a festival of sorrow and mourning , signifying the end of life while the festival of Norooz, at the beginning of spring signified rebirth, and was a time of great joy and celebration. Norooz was officially acknowledged and named "Norooz" by mythical Persian emperor, Shah Jamshid, from Achaemenid Dynasty (500 BC). Ashaemenied created the first major empire in the region and built Persepolis complex (Takhte Jamshid) in the city of Shiraz. Norooz in Persian means "New Day" and brings hope, peace and prosperity to the world and has been celebrated among people regardless of ethnic background, political views or religion in many countries around the globe such as Iran, Afghanistan, Azerbaijan, Turkey, Uzbekistan, Pakistan, Georgia, Iraq, Tajikistan, Syria ,Armenia and India. Some of the activities during Norooz are Spring cleaning, buying new cloths, painting eggs, family reunion, giving presents, visiting neighbors and friends and celebrating by having a picnic on the 13th day of Spring. Happy Norooz!

2007-03-10T02:12:00.000+01:00